Still can’t handle it

I still can’t get over having back to back miscarriages. And it’s all so ironic, too. With the first pregnancy, we had planned to share the news on Mother’s Day. Then, I lost the little bean. I found out I was pregnant again the week of Mother’s Day and instead of feeling nervous and scared, I felt so relaxed and calm; completely happy. For this pregnancy, the plan was to share with family on Father’s Day. However, we lost that bean, too. Now my doctor wants me to wait a cycle so he can run a few tests to ensure everything is okay with me and that this was, sad to say, just some bad luck. Every blood test I get though reminds me of how sucky this is and how much it hurts. I just can’t let go. Instead of drawing blood to make sure my levels are going up, we’re drawing blood to make sure they’re going down; back to 0. Today, I think we got there and I cried just a little, then took a deep breath and reminded myself that it’ll all be okay. I have a great doctor who will help determine if there’s any issues and if so, will help get the resolved. I have a great husband and we have amazing families. We’ll be okay.