I was soo excited when on May 29th a positive test showed up. 3 days before my period.

A little back story. My son is 7 years old and I have not had another child since. I married the man of my dreams and we have been trying for a while. Last 2 months the egg never implanted but I got all the signs of pregnancy symptoms without the positive tests to show for it.

So as you can imagine I was extremely happy. Waking my husband up at 6 am that Wednesday morning. He made me wait and on June 4th I got the blood work results that I was officially pregnant. I was soo excited. We ended up telling our parents on June 8th and I was 5 weeks. I had forgotten how much love you could already have for such a small thing.

Then Tuesday came....I woke up and went to the bathroom and I saw dark blood. I started crying and called the OBGYN nurse on call. They told me to go to the ER. My husband called my mother in law and told her we needed to see a doctor so could she take our son for the day. Of course she did. He works for his dad so he told him he would not be in. I got blood work and an ultrasound. They said that for 6 weeks they should have seen a fetal pull, but my hormone HCG levels were right where they should be. I was put on bed rest and the ordered another blood test and scheduled me to see the ER OBGYN doctor on call for things like this. My husband asked so many questions knowing I was to emotional too. The ER doctor said that if my HCG counts go up that’s a good sign and it could be too early for anything to show up on an ultrasound.

My husband called his dad and told him he was taking the rest of the week off to be with me. Knowing I was on bed rest for 48 hrs he did not want me home alone. He kept telling me no matter what we still have a great family and more children are to come.

Today came and I got the blood work. Went to my apt to talk to the doctor. My HCG doubled. Went from 34000- 55000. Of course we were happy until the doctor said something isn’t adding up. My ultrasound and blood work aren’t matching up. They double checked everything. He said there was a 5% chance I have a baby. The most concern is that something is making my hormone levels rise. He said the word Tumor and Cancer and all the scary words you don’t want to hear. I looked at my husband. He looked at me like everything would be ok. He said to the doctor well could something else cause the hormone levels to go up? Maybe my body still thought I was pregnant. He said he was going to his board of cancer doctors to discuss my case. He scheduled me for another round of blood work and ultrasound sound for tomorrow.

I was numb. Emotionally and physically. My husband wrote down all the places we needed to be tomorrow. He also called my parents to see if they could take our son for the day. Next thing I knew I was outside crying. Saying to my husband thank you for being there. He said he was right where he needed to be. Next to me. That he doesn’t care about anything else but making sure I was ok and continue to be. He was on the phone calling his dad since he knows doctors to see where the best places to go.

As we were driving I kept thinking how crazy life gets. How my husband just took a whole week off of work for me. How he started to take over the planning and coordinating of our life. Where our son needed to be and when. How far away the one hospital is from the other. All the things I normally do he snapped into action. I knew that for better or for worse just hit us. He never told me to suck it up or that I can’t be upset. He never got mad or made me make a single decision on my own. I just told him how much I loved him. He told me I can live without anymore kids. I can live with just having one and loving the life we have just the way it is. I can’t live without you, never could and never would.

So no matter what happens, no matter where Gods plan leads us. I know that I now and forever have an amazing man by my side. Who meant every words from our vows. His actions from loving me being a single mom, to marrying me, to adopting my son, to now being there for me in the saddest time, shows me that I will never be alone.