What to do about SO...

Question

Just had my baby 2 days ago and SO thinks it’s ok to leave for a few hours a couple of days out of the week to go to the gym - which is 45 min away - not including when he has to work. Leaving me with an almost 2 year old and newborn. Am I overreacting by telling him that it’s selfish of him to do so bc it will literally be me by myself doing it all?

Answer

I would be a little mad that he's already taking time to go to the gym 2 days after the baby is born. In a few months it would be fine but he should be home helping you and spending time with his family. Work is understandable, but the gym is unnecessary right now, in my opinion

Answer

my husband works 12 hour shifts 4-5 days a week. he has an hour drive each way. he comes home, eats dinner, and pretty much goes to bed shortly after on those days. we have an almost 2 year old and a baby coming any day now. i dont expect him to be able to help out too much, if at all. i say let him go to the gym

Answer

I think it's completely reasonable to ask him to leave the gym for a month or so while you all settle into a new routine. Work is different, it's a necessity. We have a 2yr old and another coming any day and I was working full time (more hours than hubby) until a few weeks ago so our house/family/work commitments have always been shared. It's a huge adjustment for the older sibling too so having Dad home those extra few hours will help them a lot

Answer

My hubby bought weights etc to make an at home gym so that his little boy could see his daddy more often. It's not about him being there to help me neccisarily.. It's about him being there for his boy. This little boy adores daddy and is happy to sit with him and watch and garble away in baby talk while daddy works out. I don't think you are selfish... But I believe that both parents should raise the kids and that they need both around. That was what we agreed on when we decided to try for a baby in the first place

Answer

Clearly from the responses, a lot depends on what expectations you two had and agreements you have about your marriage/raising a family.  We are a 50/50 household, and I would be upset.  The time for work is already taking away from the family (kid getting dad time, mom getting a break) but if he is already back to work then obviously that is necessary for your family.  He shouldn’t be doing the gym on top of that for a while in my opinion.

Answer

I would be a little bit irritated as well. We have a 2 year old too. I do know that if my husband doesn’t get to work out, he’s grumpy. He says it’s a stress reliever for him. Make sure you get a few hours to yourself, if he gets to go to the gym.

Answer

My husband works 10+hour days that’s not including the after hours he puts in to do maintenance on the equipment to keep our business going,I also have a almost 2 year old and a newborn (2weeks old) too and he’s had to go out of town for things 4 times now and he also somehow manages to help me at night with our oldest. I don’t think your husband is being selfish for going to the gym a few times a week or to go out, but we also grew up where women take care of the house and kids, men go to work and fix things and aren’t expected to help with children. Yes it can be a challenge at times to handle everything but it will get easier as time goes on. I’m actually shocked that my house is somehow clean and my toddler hasn’t been awful as I expected her to be.

Answer

Talk to him about it. But I don’t think it’s that selfish. My husband went back to work 2 days post partum, he went to a baseball game for an evening when I was a little over a week pp, he’s had to go to another state for work when I was 2 weeks pp, and now he’s on his way to Omaha for the college World Series for a day or two. I’ve got a two year old and my infant. It’s a give and take. When he’s home, he’s totally present. When he is gone, he’s gone because of work or because I’ve given him the go ahead. He can’t nurse the baby for me anyway. Just talk about how you’re feeling with your husband. Figure out what you can do, and when you need help. Challenge yourself a little and you may be surprised at your capacity. Or you may have to laugh it off and tell him you definitely need more help.

Answer

People use exercise for lots of different reasons. To relieve stress, for mental/physical health. My husband works out everyday. It’s his hobby, what keeps him feeling like a person (individuality is important). I would never ask him to give it up. I totally understand that it would be nice to have the help but I guess it depends on what you discussed before the babe arrived. Also, how your recovery is going should be considered. Child birth is no joke :-)

Answer

Did you have a csection or vaginal? With my first it was vaginal no medication or anything i was completely fine after 2-3 days, this time I had a csection & Drs orders are that I don't lift anything heavy or bend over for atleast 2 weeks ..that means I can't be left alone with my 2yr old. I think it just depends on the circumstances.

What to do about SO...

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