Does. Heeee

Has anyone done a restraining order against there s/o husband or partner while pregnant or having kids already if so what is the process and how does it affect my kids and the one in the way ?... my husband has always abused me verbally and mentally to the point of feeling lowest of the low !... he has always threatened me and made me feel like I ain’t shit we had split up and in the meantime he saw women and I saw someone I ended up having sex with this person when he came back he knew I had seen someone but didn’t know the extent to it he did find out and know holds it against me that night he left but came back hours later saying he had no where to go that we were nothing but roommates but he’ll look for me when he needs food laundry done or cleaning or even sex !... when we have sex he’ll throw in my face what I did or it will be fine but he will tell me I wanna love you but i can’t get myself to it . He then treats me like shit after saying were nothing an proceed to insult me and make me feel like I’m a whore which I know what I did was wrong and I feel so sorry and have begged for sorry I’m seeing a counselor and even got a small job to help out more but the other day he proceeded to have sex with me while I cried and begged him to stop he still went through with it he finished and said fuck you and walked away I nearly lost myself that night the next morning he said I shouldn’t have done that I told him it was rape and he said I was stupid that wasn’t the case ... he got to my head well today I had sec with him and after he hugged me for a while but proceeded to attack me and he started saying that the way he’s treated me I’ve always deserved it and he was right about me being a whore once a whore always one I slapped him and he proceeded to smack me behind the head with his hand and he said your lucky I didn’t punch you I told him he was an idiot and to never put hands on me then he spit on my face idk what to do I’m scared to leave as I don’t have much support or family !... I don’t make enough with the job I have my pregnancy is high risk since day one and I am sick ... he says he doesn’t care or feel for me one bit and I deserve all this for what I did to him ... I feel

So lost and stupid and scared my daughter says she doesn’t want to be without dad I’m loosing it all my insanity !... why do i care for this man ? And cry I am such and idiot I know that what I did was wrong but it doesn’t define me

Does he still love me or is he sick ? Or messed up I need so many answers