Having some cultural issues
I'm not sure if advice will really help, so this may be more of a rant unless you've been through this and have some good ideas. THIS IS NOT AN IN-LAW BASHING POST so please don't. They're good people, just having some cultural clashes.
I'm American born Caucasian, my husband is American born-Chinese. His parents immigrated here from Taiwan around 35 years ago.
We let them know months ago that when little one is born, we want that first week to ourselves because we don't want our house overrun and us be stressed out. I'm a FTM and will be healing and figuring out this breastfeeding thing so I just want some privacy. I don't think that's unreasonable.
The problem is my mom is only a couple hours away so she's gonna come watch our dogs for us and visit with us that first week and then she has to get back to work. I don't have a problem with this, neither does my husband. However, last night we talked with my in-laws and everything blew up! They had made plans to come out the week he's due and stay for several weeks!! I guess this is pretty typical in their culture and they had both their parents come stay with them 6 weeks when my husband was born. Just the thought stresses me out to the max! We'd never have any privacy! I'm an introvert, I need alone time to thrive! My in-laws are super nice and well-meaning but they also do things that irk me like rearranging things when they come and they're huge advice givers. His mom already expressed interest in cooking me traditional Chinese healing herbs for that first month! We're both medical people and DO NOT do herbs. Especially ones we can't pronounce. And they're pretty religious so I wouldn't be able to listen to the music I like or even watch tv without their input. (Minor things I suppose but still)
So now they're horribly offended that we're asking them to wait a week before they come out. We're obviously gonna do what we feel is best but also want to smooth things over.
And they're also mad because we won't give them a date that they can plan to come out on...we have no idea when this little one will come! I don't want them out here early and then just sitting around and waiting. Gah! What to do!?
They really are good people but I know what I want and it's not a prolonged stay. They think it's unfair that my mom gets to be here that first week and they don't but they live 12 hours away and my mom is close. Plus I think it's unfair to my mom that she would need to share that time with them when she needs to get back to work so soon. Their lives are a lot more flexible.
Oh and to heap offense on top of offense...my best friend is coming to stay with us the week before I'm due. Not to see the baby but to see me. She doesn't like babies at all. She's a teacher and is driving 10 hours each way to see me before school starts up again. She's well aware he probably won't be born by then and she's totally fine with that. But that made them mad too!
Any experienced advice for dealing with Asian in-laws? I feel like there's no winning!