My gorgeous Amelia

Hi my name is Aimee and this is my story..

Friday the 13th unlucky for some but for me I was the luckiest girl alive, my daughters due date, my mini me, the most precious thing a women can feel, the little bundle of joy I’ve always dreamed of, my perfect girl.

On Tuesday the 17th I was like every other mother that goes past her due date, restless and desperate to meet my baby girl.. this dream was soon to be shattered on the discovery that my daughter had fallen to sleep, the most world shattering news I’ve had to hear but already knew from the second the midwife said let’s take a listen.. praying that she was just being awkward and that her roaring heart beat that I’d heard only days before would kick in. The words from the half a dozen doctors surrounded me broke my heart into a millions pieces.

Friday the 20th all the symptoms id hated had gone, no more painful heart burn, no more back ache or restless legs.. it’s as if a light switch had been turned off and I was no longer an expecting mom. This was the day id finally see my little madam, the little girl that’s kept me awake from day 1, bounced on my bladder, stuck her fist in my ribs or a little foot out my side. Id finally see the baby id been baking for so long and what a perfect little face it was with her big pouty lips, button nose and cheeks you could munch on for days, I finally held my beautiful Amelia. Every since that day I’ve faced my worst fears, I’ve delivered my baby and waited patiently for her to cry but that moment was a silence that was heart wrenching, I’ve watched other moms hold and kiss there babies wishing I could hold mine but one of my biggest fears was the dreaded “do you have any children” today was the day I was asked.. my stomach dropped and my heart broke a little more, not wanting to upset anyone but not wanting to ignore the fact that yes, I am a mother.. I muttered “I had a daughter”

People deal with grief in so many different ways, there is no right or wrong way.. Shes my biggest achievement and although she’s not here for me to show off she’s still a part of me and my family. People are scared to ask in fear of upsetting us further but my way of coping is talking about her.. so for anyone who has lost or knows of anyone who is grieving a loss, speak to them.. ask them.. listen. It’s times like this where you have 1000’s of people around you but you’ve never felt so alone..

I had a perfect pregnancy and no scares at all, when I found out my daughter was no longer breathing it was at a routine checkup to discuss inducement proceedings. I had no pain, no loss of movement and no blood.. my baby had just gone to sleep, since then I’ve had my results back and they can’t find anything wrong with me or my daughter.. I’ll never know why my baby died at 41 weeks 😢

Amelia Jane Phelps born at 18:35 weighing 7lb 8oz ❤️