Feeling down, pathetic, useless all the horrible things under the sun and I’m just wanting advice please because I don’t know where to turn too.

If a man or your man wanted to marry you, he would’ve already gone to the lengths of it right? No matter what gets in the way his mind shouldn’t be change? If he loved you for you right? Not letting something like an attitude get in the way? Or family members? (Mother, sisters)

He says he wants to marry me but ...

Why is there even a but?

He told me he doesnt want to “lose his mother & that by being with me, he will”

But he’s still here, with me, calling my parents his parents, being involved in my family stuff, coming around and even moving in with us? I don’t get it.

His mother doesn’t like me because he’s more independent now, because he can think for himself now, I guess? I thought I was helping him out to do better for himself? Helping him a better job, doing courses for better jobs, but yet I’m still this horrible person to her & them.

My parents never get involved in my relationship, they never have anything and to say, I’m always sticking up for him against my family, whereas he lets his family drag my name to filth. Not even being dramatic the stuff they have done and it be online as well has ruined my name and how people perceive me. Even went as far as getting my family to to believe their lies and telling them how awful my parents are etc etc he still didn’t stand up for my parents esp since they’re so good to him. Yet with everything that has happened in the last 3 years I still want to be with him.

I really want to marry this man because I really love him but I don’t think he wants to marry me. 😓

When I see others getting married, I feel this pain, it hurts a lot, I don’t know if it’s embarrassment or just plain jealousy or even sadness that I can’t be loved like that or appreciated that way. I want to be his wife because I have so much faith and trust and care and love for him. Yet it’s still not enough because apparently me sticking up for him against my family takes it all away. He says its not how I look, how my body is but I see the way he looks at me when he thinks Im not looking, or maybe it’s because I don’t have a job but studying? Could that be it? Or the fact I can’t fall pregnant so easily?

Even after all this I’m not good enough.