Why Is Everyone Around Me Having Kids in Their Early 20s?
Okay so first off. I turn 21 on July 8th and I have been infertile and ttc for the last two years with my husband. Our 3rd anniversary is in October and I have an urge to have children that is so strong that the word 'baby' literally makes me break down into a fit of heartbroken tears considering I cant have my one and only dream. So, with that in mind let's move on. It started at 18. 3 of my friends ended up pregnant alongside of 2 of my coworkers. I was thrilled for them of course but again I just was surprised that already so many people were ttc at my age. I thought it was a one off event but over the years each and every one of my friends systematically got pregnant and are now working on their second children. Literally the last one to get pregnant will be me. With that, I've been pushed out of the friend group due to my lack of children. They all think that either I'm not trying hard enough with my infertility or God thinks that i dont deserve children and then label me as basically Lilith herself because of that view. They all have varying relationships but all seem to have this drive to reproduce as fast as possible. This last month I recently stopped ttc. I want to spend the next 5 months working down some of this medical debt that I've acquired due to my infertility and I want to go ahead and have all of my nursery stuff purchased. After I have my medical debt paid off I want to work on my student loans then go back to school or get a good job that pays more than minimum wage. I don't know why I have this sudden drive to do these things but I do. I dont really care about a house and all of that but I'd like a second car as well (doesnt have to be new just dependable and safe). I still desperately want a baby in my early 20s but I feel that I'd like to get these things out of the way first because they are what weighs on me the most right now. According to my doctors I dont have time (reproductively) to do this so now I'm faced with the choice of either having a child when I feel that we arent fiscally ready or never having children. (Also, if someone tells me to just adopt I will reach through this screen and pop you. Adoption is way more expensive and unreliable than infertility and I dont qualify for fostering so just back off on that.) I wouldnt mind having a kid right now. I'd love it but, I feel that for the kid's wellbeing that I need to wait no matter how strong my urge is. I mean it is strong. I am desperate. 2 years of ttc will do that to you. 2 years of infertility will do that to you. Being told it's now or never will do that to you. Framing your entire life around your dream to be a mother will do that to you. But, despite all of these factors and despite literally everyone my age in our town and in my family having kids at an age younger than me, I have no support from anyone to have these kids. My grandmother, parents and inlaws all express passionately that they dont want us having kids yet. They have outwardly said that they dont care about my infertility making waiting difficult and that I just shouldnt but cant give me a real reason as to why they feel so passionately about it other than my age. When I point out their hypocrisy and that they cant really control my reproductive system they just huff and express their feelings yet again. Why are they like this when this is the norm here? Everyone else gets their congratulations and support. I'm no worse off than anyone else and I'd dare say I'm a bit better off than some. So what gives? Why are they so against it with just me while encouraging others to go down that path. What should I do about the kid situation now? I cant live a life without kids. I just cant. It is my only dream in the world. Why is having kids in your early twenties and adult teen years such a normality? I thought it was taboo now to have kids in your twenties? I was taught my entire life that it's a bad thing. So why are people doing it? They all seem very happy and successful and the kids dont hinder them much if at all. Am I missing something? With or without kids I'm still doing all of these things. Sure it may be a bit harder but why should that stop me? Why does everyone else follow the norm but I'm supposed to follow a different path? Why am I expected to be different? Dont they see how hard it is on me? Dont they care? I love their babies but I hate when they parade their kids around in front of me. I also hate being isolated as the only childless woman here. I've had the dream of having children since childhood myself. These people never wanted kids before. So why do they suddenly want kids and I dont get to have any? I have so many questions and decisions and I have no ideas on how to handle any of it.
P.S. if I have to go to one more baby shower I might die. I'm sick of them. It hurts to see that pregnant belly and it almost hurts more to see all of the support that my pregnant friends get from their families when I'm all alone. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance.