I'm having issues with my mom right now so I really could use some advice on this situation from an outside persons perspective. I feel like things have gotten way out of control these past few years. There are times we are super close and other times we fight so bad it's like a bipolar love/hate relationship. I would say it's pretty toxic because our fights get very ugly involving screaming fits, breaking things or getting physical with each other. She's always been the "best friend" party girl kind of mom. As soon as I reached senior year of highschool she would allow me to drink with her or she'd let me have my friends over and she'd drink with all of us. One night my parents were drunk and arguing, my dad was in the process of going upstairs. I went to say something and my mom back handed me to shut up and runs after him. She didn't turn back around so she didn't see that I was standing there gushing blood. I was in shock I didn't know what to do, it took me a moment to process what had just happened. Turns out my mom hit me so hard that she broke my nose. I had to snap my nose back into place that night it was on the right side of my face. She cried to me how sorry she was and said how guilty she felt that it was an accident. She meant to hit me in the mouth and was all worked up cause of my father. So I forgave her because I love her and always do.

Anyway, once I reached 21 we started going out to bars together. We've had some fun times and other times she gets herself kicked out of bars cause she gets too wild or aggressive. One night we went out I had so much fun I met a cute dj and was hanging out with a group of people. My mom on the other hand was getting angry on/off the whole night because there were girls who were dressed revealing and dancing slutty so she was feeling threatened. We then got kicked out cause they said my mom was too drunk. As we're walking about to go into the house she grabs me by my hair and throws me down into the bushes for no fucking reason. I didn't hit her back I just got up and continued walking to the door. At this point she's already standing in front of the door so I'm coming up behind her to open it cause I have the keys. As I go to do that she catches me off guard and whales me in the fucking face. Guess what happens? SHE BREAKS MY FUCKING NOSE AGAIN and this time the injury was worse and bleeding way more I felt extremely dizzy and felt like I was gonna pass out. I went to the doctors the next day and not only was my nose broken but my septum also got fractured. She cried and cried said she didn't remember any of it. She said she took out her anger from those girls at the bar on me. She begged for forgiveness and said she would never do something like that again. I was still extremely angry about it but her crying so much made me feel guilty cause I didn't like to see her in that much pain even though I was in a shit ton of pain myself. I never really got over the second incident I still hold resentment and anger. I felt like I was forced to just sweep it under the rug when it's not okay. I feel like I was guilted into forgiving her. This happened about 3 months ago.....

A month ago my mom had a procedure done called Facetite it's for double chin removal. Something my mom has been insecure over for years. I took off school a bunch of times so she could go to appointments, have the procedure done and to take care of her because I want her to feel good about herself I would do anything for her. We went out to a bar the other night long story short I barely ate that day so the alcohol affected me more I guess. I only had 5 twisted teas I drank them because they're light so I don't know why they hit me so hard. There are times I drink liquor and I'm perfectly fine. Anyway I remember up until a certain point but then I completely blacked out I don't remember anything. I remember being at the bar but don't remember after we got home.

According to my mom I hit her right in her neck where she had her surgery but I have no recollection of it whatsoever. I woke up with a bunch of marks on me and my hair in extreme knots so clearly we fought. For days now she's been freaking out on me screaming at me saying I ruined her surgery that she's more swollen now and in a ton of pain from me. My mom is saying I'm evil, I ruined her life, she hates me, hopes I die, wish she had an abortion.. All disguising things to me. What I did was fucked up and wrong but I feel she's being hypocritical about this whole thing! She constantly blacks out drunk or gets physical with me but I'm supposed to just suck it up! God forbid I had a moment of my own and gave her a taste of her own medicine! I'm not proud of what I did, I feel really guilty honestly because she's been so insecure of that area and already feeling suicidal cause it's not healing fast enough. I feel terrible especially that I have no memory of it but at the same time I can't help but feel oh well this is her karma. One part of me is sad but the other part of me doesn't give a fuck.

The only explanation I have for what I did is my emotions got the best of me. I'm not sure if I'm having PMS or if I'm pregnant so that's been scaring me making me very emotional. Also like I said I've been bottling up just how angry I am about the whole broken nose thing so I really think I just snapped. Am I the worst daughter in the world for what I did? Does my mom have a right to be this angry or is she being hypocritical because she practically did the same fucking thing???