Taking control ...

I have always seen myself as a strong woman. I have been through a lot in my short 23 years. Both parents with two depart addictions, and abusive uncle, then an abusive relationship in high school. Taking on my siblings because my mom was too strung out to, having two miscarriages and now taking on my youngest sibling full time.

All of that I thought could break me, but I learned to live with it and now get past it all. However there is one thing that happened last year I just can’t seem to shake. I was sexually assaulted by someone that I knew and thought would never hurt me.

We had a mutual friend, and he was always more flirty than I was comfortable with, but everyone around would say oh that’s just the way he is.

Anyway here is the reason for the post. It’s been a year, the scares and marks left on my body are pretty much healed at this point. I use to really enjoy sex. It was something that I had a lot of control in, something I really demanded control over after being abused and being in an a bus I’ve relationship.

I have been seeing this guy for several months now. It’s long distance which has worked for me. However soon, we will be getting to get her and I know he’s going to want to have sex, and I want too. I feel very comfortable with him. I trust him. I’m just scared it’s not going to be the same.

That it won’t feel the same or that I will have some sorta panic attack. He is super supportive and knows. He said the last time we talked that the only thing that matters is I feel comfortable. I know it’s not him and he isn’t pressuring me at all, and I defiantly want to.

However, it almost feels like I’m giving the control I once had to someone else. Or that I’m giving my body to someone else. Sometimes I feel like I’m so over reacting! Would just like some positive comments.