Can’t love baby #2

I hate admitting this but I need to see if it’s just hormones or what. This is a SUPER LONG story, short. Very short.

I’m 31 weeks with #2. I have an 18 month old with my ex who has been absolutely horrible to us. A one night stand during his one of maybe ten times visiting ended up in #2.

I don’t know if it’s my dislike for my ex or what but I just feel like I’m not going to have a bond or something with this baby. When I was pregnant with my first, I wanted like 5 kids. Then I had her and I decided one was perfect. I loved our bond and it just being her and I. I moved out of mine and my ex’s apartment after I had her. Long story. Basically he’s been horrible and using drugs since I was 6 months with our first.

I made the decision to keep the baby fully knowing I’d be doing it alone again but as time grows closer to delivery, the more scared and nervous I get that I won’t love him or her.

Is it hormones? Will everything be ok? My daughter is my world and I’d die for my kids. I think maybe I just have to have the baby because at this point maybe I don’t really realize the realness of this or something.