Having trouble

So I had an emergency c section with my son in August 2016 due to failure to progress. I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids naturally ever. I switched doctors,couldn’t stand my last doctor,and this one says it’s not a smart idea to try for a vbac. My sons birth was traumatic for me. I cried for 6 months after. So I will have a scheduled c section In November. I’m kinda scared and really sad. I had so hoped I could have a typical birth. Nothing I tell myself makes me feel. Better. I can’t shake the panic and fear of my sons birth. I’m terrified the medication won’t work again and that they will have to put me to sleep again. I was literally panicking and crying in front of the staff when I had my son. I kept telling my husband how scared I was and begging him to stay with me. I’m just dreading possibly having to relive all of that.