** WARNING: LONG **

just a little back story. I’m 21, and was with his man since I was 15. he is all I know. never been with another guy like I’ve been with him.

Two years ago we decided to start trying for a baby. I was diagnosed with PCOS and it was hard for us to take in, since the doctor said it would basically be impossible for us. Last month he decided we should see a fertility doctor. I kind of had a feeling that I wasn’t ready anymore, but it’s what he wanted so I agreed.

We called and talked to the doctor just to get information but never went and seen her. So about 3 weeks ago, he tells me we should go soon because he wants a baby by his birthday in August. I realize this is something he really wants and I’m in love, so why not.

June 15th. 6:15am. I go in for surgery. Doctor tells me I’m pregnant. I’m freaking out, crying. Not sure if I’m excited or scared. Emotions are everywhere. I come home and ask him to come home so I can tell him the news. He seemed excited at first.

***** HERES WHERE I NEED ADVICE ******

He is not excited. He decides he is not not ready to be a dad in the situation we are in. We were not in a relationship but acted like we were (????) he suggest an abortion and if I do that, we can work on each other and rebuild. The thing is, he’s continuously cheated on me with his “ex” in the past. But the day I found out I was pregnant, I found out they were in a relationship.

I decided the abortion was not an option, and he was upset. Called me crying, begging to just do it. I’m not going to lie, I thought about it. I’m not ready. I can’t even drive due to my anxiety. But I feel like him telling me to get an abortion and things that I want to hear about us working out after was all manipulation.

Even after all this, I still love him more than anything. I mean, it’s been 6 years and God have us something so beautiful and he decided he doesn’t want anything to do with me, just the baby. Am I wrong for feeling sad about this? He’s been so rude to me lately. It just hurts really bad.