I’m not sure what I’m really looking for by posting this. I think mostly just to vent.

I feel like I just can’t win lately and I really running me down. I’m typically a really optimistic, positive person. I try to ALWAYS look on the brighter side of things, but for the first time in my 27 years of life.. I’m just so over it.

My SO got laid off and 3 months later, I did as well. I’m not so upset about my job. I was planning on resigning in the summer anyways. He made enough to support our family as long as we stuck to a budget. So our plan was- I was going to start going back to school full time in the fall. To be honestly, I was kind of dreading it at first. But the closer it got, and after talked to a counselor and getting my classes set up.. I was SUPER excited.

But now here we are, we’re both laid off. He has possible employers he’s waiting to hear back from. And I’ve been interviewing for positions I don’t even want. I’m so disappointed. I’m sad. I was so very much looking forward to going back to school. I was so excited. And here I am... it’s getting put off, again. It’s not the first time in the last 5ish years.

I don’t want to work for any of the places I’ve interviewed for... but I know that I have to right now, for our family. And it sucks. I want to better myself and further my education. I will not get ANYWHERE in the field I want to work in without at minimum an associates.

To top it all off, and probably the worst part.. the job I got laid off from has excellent benefits. And a couple of months prior I was diagnosed with lupus. The last month, I’ve been having a lot a really bad symptoms that I’ve been trying to ignore or treat with OTC stuff. It isn’t working though. I had established with a great rheumatologist, that I now can’t afford to see without private insurance. And it freaking sucks.

I’m absolutely not trying to throw myself a pity party and I don’t want sympathy. I just really needed to vent!