Who else struggles with bipolar disorder?

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2015. Back then I was showing TONS of symptoms. Anger outbursts out of the blue, hyper for no reason, crying from LAUGHING one moment and depressed the other, very exhausting. I was put on medication but I stopped the treatment because I started feeling I was getting addicted to the medication and I’ve always been afraid of being dependent on pills. Obviously shouldn’t have stopped the treatment and was told by my doctor if I did, the disorder would come back eventually and bite me in the ass. Well yes. After over 2 years of being bipolar disorder outbursts “free” it’s been coming back. Whenever I fight with my husband I throw things at him. I break things when I’m angry. I put a hole on my bedroom’s wall. I’m scared of myself. I’ve been to the therapist today and was once again diagnosed bipolar. I haven’t started a treatment yet. Can someone relate? I was TTC but now, should I put a kid in the world, being crazy like this?