Constant Suicidal thoughts

I go through everyday with this constant feeling of wanting to die. I was to be gone and free from all this constant pain. My husband knows something is off but I just don’t know how to tell him without it hurting him. I love him and our son so much but the only reason I’m still here is because I know I need to take care of him. I just lay in bed until he wakes up. I can’t sleep my house is constantly in disarray and it just makes me feel even more worthless. I’m just at a loss.