Dear dad

I have an empty space in my heart and It eagerly calls your name. I want to be around you but every time I see you It’s hard to breath...it hurts to breath. Even though I crave your attention I hate being around you. You put on an emotional roller coaster that only goes downs. I hope you know that your the reason for all of this dad. Your the reason why I left you to live with mom, your the reason why I have depression and your the reason why I want to end my life. It’s sad that I’m too afraid to stick up to you. It’s sad that you inspire you in my writing. But do you know what’s worse? Me texting you every single night wishing you sweet dreams and telling you that I love you. I anxiously wait for you to respond to me..and you don’t and I’m always heart broken. You may as well punch me in the stomach and tell me you hate me to my face. You hate your own daughter that you created. You hate how I left and you hate how I’m not coming back. Well guess what? I hate what you’ve done to me. You left internal bruises in my head and heart when you said those cruel words. It’s been so long without you dad. I miss you. But I can’t stand our relationship and I don’t know what to do about it. I understand that I hurt you buy you have hurt me too. Every time I try to ignore what’s going on and try to be happy, I have a reminder of you and how much of a disappointment I must be to you. I’m sorry but this has to end. Each day that passes makes it harder for me to live with myself. Dad your one of the major reasons why im suicidal. Please don’t be surprised if you don’t get a goodnight text from me. I tried. even though I was dying inside i made an effort to make things better but it takes two to build a relationship and I can’t do that on my own. I made an effort that your too careless to make. I’m sorry if I annoyed you or made you hate me but pretty soon you won’t have to deal with me anymore. And pretty soon I won’t have to stay up late crying and wishing you loved me back. When I die, please remember that I tried and that I’m remorseful Goodnight dad, I’ll love you forever.

-your daughter