I think I’m asexual?

Question

Asexual: the life choice to not have sex. 
Im almost 21. I  have a boyfriend who i love more than anything in the world. We are both so spiritually connected and have a bond like no other. 
About a year ago it started to hurt every time I had sex. Yes, I am planning to see a gynecologist. 
But even before this happened, I didn’t really like sex that much, which is ironic because of what im about to tell you. 
When I was a teenager things were rough for me. I lived with my father and he was a very angry man. I used to let boys use my body because then for 15 minutes I could pretend that I was loved. And I ended up having sex with a lot of people. 
After I graduated I slowed down, but felt obligated to have sex every time I hung out with someone I liked. Like I didn’t want to be a prude and piss them off so I just let them have it. 
Then I met my boyfriend and sex was ok, sometimes great and he even gave me my first vaginal orgasm, and was the first person other than myself to give me a clitoral orgasm. 
But even now, even if it didnt hurt, i just never feel in the mood. All I want is a clitoral orgasm and I thought, well maybe I’m a lesbian. But I don’t think that’s it either. I don’t fantasize about having sex with women, but sex just kind of turns me off all together. 
What do I do? How do I tell my boyfriend that I think I’m mostly asexual. For now he’s ok with not having sex until I go the the gynecologist, but even when that’s fixed what if my drive never comes back and suddenly I realize I just don’t like sex. 
This person is the love of my life, I love him more than anyone in the world, and he feels the same about me. But how do ou have a discussion like this with someone you love so much. 
He’s not the type of ego dude who like needs to fuck his girl, no he’s not like that. But he loves making love to me, even though it’s not too often, he loses himself inside me, and ifeel terrible that I dont lose myself in him, even before it started hurting. 
Honestly I think I’m just asexual and i dont knowhow to tell him this. It’s not like I don’t ever want to have sex with him ever again, but I just don’t want to do it very often. 
Is there something wrong with me? Am I one of those bitch girlfriends who won’t give her man any, I don’t want to be that girl. 
What the fuck do I do, how do I handle this?

Answer

It doesn't sound like you are asexual to me (but Im not a doctor). It sounds like an extremely hard history full of abuse that no one should endure that led to a disinterest in sex. It doesn't make you asexual though. Maybe with counseling you could enjoy sex again. It's possible for abuse victims. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend. I know what it's like to just go along with sex because you SO wants it. Make sure to tell him how you feel so he knows. Discuss it with him and maybe see a professional about your feelings. I believe any type of help like that is amazing.

Answer

you should go to ur gyno to check out why it hurts. but maybe u should also go to someone u can talk about what has happened in ur past. that way u have a professional opinion and they can help u better understand why u feel the way u do, and help u find a way to talk to ur bf

Answer

You might be a Grey Ace, which is what I am. It means that sometimes, I like it but I’d rather not most of the time. I don’t wanna put a label on you, so you do you girl!!

Answer

have you tried to talk to a therapist or something of the sort? maybe your mind and past relationship issues are the cause of your recent sexual problems...

Answer

I don’t have much help or advise for the asexual part of this other than what people have already said, about seeking a therapist and that I feel like it’s not that but rather a disinterest for sex. 
What I want to mention to you is that I suddenly starting having a lot of pain when my then boyfriend and I ha sex. This went on for about 5 years and drs had no clue what it was and kept telling me I was fine. After all this I finally found a dr who told me that I actually suffered from two disorders called vulvodynia and vaginismus. This can happen at any point in your life and to anyone... they aren’t really sure what causes it to be honest. But there are treatments for it and I ended up doing a special kind of physio therapy that re trains the muscles and nerves in that area to relax and ease the pain. It took about a little under a month for us to be able to start to actually enjoy sex again and probably 3 months before it was great. I still have the odd day where I need to do an exercise or two to relax but over all I’m 1000X better. When you see your dr if they say that everything looks fine, please bring up these conditions as well as look into them online before hand if you can. Not many drs (at least in my area) even know about these conditions and there for aren’t looking for them. 
Ps sorry for the long story.. I’d just hate to have you struggle with this for as long as I did

Answer

it probably hurts because of your abuse past. I had the same thing and when I met the love of my life and let myself go and relax enough it became absolutely amazing. I had to mentally trust him enough to do this. but sex is a large part of a relationship and most people who are not like us dont quite get it and get very frustrated feeling unloved and uncared for when they are rejected. they need to feel the closeness with their partner. which is how I am now. I think you need to work on yourself mentally to get past your past and trust him physically and relax. but dont be surprised if this is a huge deal for him the longer sex is out of the equation.

Answer

it hurts because you maybe have a std

Answer

I would definitely go to the doctor it could be a lot of different things I had pre-cancerous cells from a previous boyfriend giving me HPV. my sister after giving birth to her baby developed a tilted uterus and can no longer have sex with a man with a penis larger than 6 inches because it is too painful

Answer

There is also gray asexual and demisexual.
Gray asexual is you fall in the middle between being sexual and non sexual.
Asexual you do not experience sexual connection at all. ( which doesn't sound like what you describe )
demisexual is someone who is only sexual with people they connect with emotionally.

I think I’m asexual?

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