My husband and I just shared our fourth wedding anniversary on July 5th. He has been deployed since February and I am currently 5 weeks from having our 4th child (second together).

My youngest child was born March 2017 and it was in May 2017 when I found out that my husband had been far from faithful. We had actually just gotten my sons newborn photos in and I had popped the cd into our laptop and once I had them downloaded decided to login to my Facebook and upload them. Typed in Facebook.com and his stuff was already signed in and bam, last convo was at the bottom with a females photo. Numerous things were uncovered after I did my “investigation” the following couple of months, but the basic concept was that he had been sexting multiple females during the last two years. We started counseling, he swore he’d never do anything like it again, swore he was legitimately sorry and he had made horrible mistakes, swore that he loved me with his whole heart and promised that he would be faithful and put 110% into our marriage. I chose to believe what he told me. He is my husband and honestly things were so flippin wonderful prior.

Fast forward to October 2017.... he had training in California for a month. We were still trying to build trust at that point, but things were okay. Well, he came home in November (I was so excited to get him home and get some lovin). I felt something was just off though, so I did what every paranoid wife does and checked his phone when I woke up the next morning. Long story short, deleted photos found of a girl that we know in our home state and of course he said he was sorry again. Said he messed up and swore he’d never do it again. I knew he would be deploying in February of this year, so I really REALLY wanted to get things on a more positive track before he did.

I am sure to most people at this point I sound so stupid. I am not sure how to explain why I wanted to keep trying. I guess I just loved him and even after everything I still do. To make things even more difficult I discovered I was pregnant in January. I was in such denial because I knew the last thing our marriage needed was to add another innocent one into the mix.

Fast forward to now. I noticed a month ago he was a person to add on my Snapchat. He did not previously have Snapchat, so I of course think the worst and log into it. Yes, he used his usual password so it was pretty easy. I saw that the only person there he had previously chatted with was a female that I have known about. She is also in the Army and is also deployed. They work together and there have been a couple of times I was iffy about her just because I had seen they had small talk a couple of times, but nothing too alarming or out of line. I was just paranoid, so really any female that reaches out to him was making me nervous. Well, I confronted him about it and him and I have been pretty rocky for the last 3 weeks. He swore it was nothing like that, swore that whatever she had sent him was work related and he literally just wouldn’t talk to her if it made me feel better 😕

This morning after he didn’t call like usual I went on a hunch that something just wasn’t right and looked her up on Instagram to see her profile pic is my husband and her smiling cheek to cheek. Guys, I’m devastated.... I simply messaged her and said wow, you really have some nerve. After her and I messaging very, very briefly... it turns out he was telling me one thing and at the same time having a full on relationship with her.

I’m so sick to my stomach that I have no appetite. I have cried so much today, while at the same time trying to put on this happy face for the 3 children looking at me. I don’t know how to cope with this. I’m so humiliated that my marriage is going to end like this. I am so scared even my children will look at me with shame being a single Mom of 3 😣 I feel like I’ve totally let them down.... and at the same time I feel completely empty because I had full belief he was the absolute love of my life.

I’m assuming she called him, or messaged. About 10 minutes after her and I were done with our convo he sends this.... morning

I’m not sure why I expected more.... This is the worst moment of my life so far. The man I thought was my forever... traded me off for another. And to be 30 in the next two months and him 32, this just seems way too immature to be real.

I am SO sorry this post is 20 days long. I guess I’m using this to vent while also hoping someone might have just the right advice on what I am to do. I’ve been a sahm since the birth of my son March 2017, I have a daughter starting school in 3 weeks (she is 9 and is mine from my previous marriage) and a scheduled csection in 5 weeks. He was planning to come home for the birth for 10 days, but I will be honest.... I do not even want to look at him, much less live with him during this beautiful moment coming up. And really.... I’m not sure he will even volunteer on coming now.

Thanks for reading...

Update:

Thank you for the kind words. I have not responded to his message and I have no intentions on messaging or calling him anytime soon. I actually have my step daughter, daughter and our 1 year old son with me and trying to keep a straight face for them. The other woman for whatever reason waited approximately 2 hours before sending me another message to tell me she had no idea I was pregnant, but that it didn’t change a damn thing and she wasn’t going away 😢 I’m assuming they spoke for a while about their relationship and she then messaged me again. I swear this is so surreal.

I’m working on the courage to talk to my Mom and Grandmother. My Grandma is basically my best friend.... she knows everything except for my marriage troubles.

Although it is extremely tempting to report all of this to his work, I feel it would do more harm than good. Trust me.... I want to ruin both of them right now. I wish I could.... but it still wouldn’t hurt as much as what this hurt I’m feeling feels like.

And for those wondering.... this is not a combat deployment. It’s considered a “Rotation”. So yeah, my husband is basically living it up in South Korea where he has weekends off for the most part and bars, grocery store, movies and everything else that comes along with being stationed there.

Update 2:

Wow, thank you guys so so much for the support. I’ve never felt so alone and somehow this community gives me peace in a way when I’m having my moments of total weakness. My husband has still not reached out after the initial text. I’m not even sure how to feel about his silence.... it makes me feel just as bad as the affair though.

I have officially reached out to a friend (current mil spouse), my grandma and a mutual friend of my husband and I’s (male figure that my husband has previously deployed with that is no longer in the Army). It’s really helping to hear advice and support from all of them and it has given me a little more strength as of today. We are now on day 4 of this mess and I will be honest, I’m a total weenie. I’ve maybe slept 8-10 hours in 3 nights and my appetite is still shot.

I was advised to get every bit of snapshots I could, which I have all of them from her and I’s convo, but I really wanted to see if there was any way I might be able to get more photos. I finally got the courage to go back to her page and her picture is now just of her, her page has now went from private to public so I’m actually able to see all of the photos and the last photo posted two days ago was her and her ex husband (who is now deceased as of 3 months ago... I’m not sure how he passed away, but they divorced approximately a year ago.) The picture was captioned “Really wishing you were here to talk some sense into me, you were always so good at telling me to stay focused and get my shit together”. Not sure if this is in any relation to what has gone on with our situation, but I feel like it is....

Just to give a little more insight on why I gave so many chances. First off, I love him. I have loved this man since we dated at 15 & 17 years young. We dated a year then and I moved states away because of my moms job and he was told by her to stop contacting me so that I could move on. (I didn’t know that at the time) I reconnected with my husband after my divorce and seriously things were amazing. Every memory we had together we both could recall and he swept me off my feet again guys. He treated me like I was a queen.... I just have a place for him in my heart that I can’t describe. So this along with understanding PTSD is a real thing and knowing side effects could be a number of things I was willing to let him try and better himself before just saying goodbye.

This is the first time that any of these scenarios has been a physical one. And that changes A LOT for me.

Update #3 (07-21-2018)

I’m posting this update because a few people have commented wanting to know what’s happened. My main focus right now is to let my girls enjoy what little bit of summer is left & not stressing. We still have not heard from my husband. He’s clearly ok because our bank account reflects it.

Come August I will be speaking to more people/attorney about my options. I have every intention on staying in our on post housing until after the baby is born and I can get on my feet. My husband is not set to come home until October, maybe November, so I feel this gives me some time.

Oh, and I had my appt on Thursday. My cesarean is now on the books for August 22nd.

Colby is here 💙🤱🏼