Just need to vent somewhere

When I was 15, I snuck my boyfriend into my room through my window(stupid young love). I ended up losing my virginity that night but the thing is, I didn’t want to at all. I was religious. I didn’t wanna have sex with him that night. And while it was happening, I cried and prayed. Id never felt so vulnerable and disgusting. After he left that night I cried sooo hard. I haven’t closed my room door since that night and I’m 19 now. But today my little cousin closed it while I was in there and I started crying so hard. All I could remember was him being on top of me while I was crying. I don’t carry those emotions today. It just made me remember what that day was like for me. But it’s been years. It shouldn’t still have that effect on me right? Shouldn’t I be over it by now? He didnt rape me. I dont think he knew that I was crying and I was too scared to verbally say anything so he’s innocent on his part. But I still carry the emotions as if it were traumatizing. Idk I just wanna forget and let go of the past. I had no idea that situation even still meant something to me until she closed the door and gave me flashbacks. I made myself forget right afterwards