sorry for the long post but I'm just feeling very down right now.

little background

1. I have been depressed for a very long time. I was diagnosed with depression in high school and have been medicated since. I'm currently not medicated because I chose to not be during my pregnancy.

2. my mother is very controlling. when I cut myself in high school, her first reaction was mad and she said "now i have to stay home from work to watch you." she does a lot for me but then talks to me like I'm still five years old and says throws in my face everything she does. when I started dating my husband 4 years ago, she tried to get me to break up with him and said she didn't like him. then when I decided to move in with him, she said it was a bad idea. we told her we wanted to get married at the court house to save money and she offered to pay for the wedding but then turned it into all her decisions.

I am currently 27 weeks pregnant. my mom wasn't too excited when I told her but she is happy to have a grandchild. I asked her to get the whooping cough vaccine and she said she would handle it.

She offered to come over and help paint and decorate the nursery so I invited her, my step dad, and my in laws over yesterday to paint. My in laws got here at noon to put tape up and start. My parents didnt get here until 2 and sent me to get spackle and another gallon of paint. I got back around 2:20 and they're all on the coach drinking beer and my mom is cleaning. I appreciate the cleaning but the whole time she kept commenting how filthy our house is. It's just clutter, not actually dirty. She started touching my husband's stuff and I asked her not to since he was at work (he works noon-midnight on weekends) so she said "how about this, I'll get the whooping cough vaccine when you clean your house." I told her I wasnt compromising so she said "how will you even know if I get it or not?" So I freaked out. She told me not to talk to her that way because she's my mother. I do not feel like this has anything to do with the vaccine and more to do with her wanting to be in control of everything. My step siblings each have two kids and I later found out from my step sister asked her to get it 5 years ago for her son and she said she had had a booster recently. So honestly, my mom is probably up to date and is just not telling me which makes me feel like shes being difficult on purpose.

Anyway, about 30 minutes later, they all go back upstairs to finish up. I hear my step dad say "let's not spackle since it'll have to dry and that will take too long. Let's just paint." I probably should have gone upstairs to say please spackle and we'll paint another day. There were so many huge holes in the walls. They spent 15 more minutes painting and came back downstairs, ate pizza, then left. My parents spent a total of an hour working in the nursery. I really am appreciative so please do not think that's what I'm upset about. Before they left they said "you'll need to spackle the holes and repaint over."

My best friend and her husband came over before they all left. After the parents left, we went upstairs and realized how bad it looked. There were giant holes in the wall. My friends spent an hour spackling the holes then came back today to sand and repaint almost the entire room because the holes were everywhere. It ended up taking two gallons of paint because we had to repaint almost everything. That took them another three hours to fix everything that was done yesterday.

My husband is very upset because how messy the room is now from the spackling and that there's no paint left to do the closet. He is also upset that he wasn't there to tell them that the holes need to be spackled first and that I should've said something. I didnt say anything because if I say anything to my step dad or mom that they don't like then they say I'm not appreciative of everything they do and make me feel like crap. This also makes me second guess having my mom in the room during labor and delivery but that will also make her mad and make her treat me like crap.

I'm now alone at home since my husband is working and crying myself to sleep. I want to be a stronger person, especially for my daughter. But I don't know how to do it. Every time I stick up for myself, I'm treated like crap.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice, support, someone to tell me I need to get it together, or what.