Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if I’m being crazy or if my anger is justified (esp when my husband insists he doesn’t get why I’m upset).

So, my husband and I are traveling for a few weeks, and for the past few nights we’ve been staying with a friend in a city where we used to live, just for a fun visit.

Last night, my husband, the friend we’re staying with (male), another friend (female) who lives in the city whom my husband went to college with, and I all went out for drinks. We came home late (~1am, late for a work night, and both of our friends had work the next day), and I fell asleep, as did the friend hosting us. My husband and the female friend were still up.

I woke up in the morning and saw the friend hosting us was passed out, but my husband and the female friend were gone. I called my husband and it did go through (not straight to voicemail, as if dead), but no answer. I got worried and called again, texted, emailed, WhatsApp messaged, FaceTimed, called and texted the female friend— no reply.

Finally, after multiple such attempts for ~30 min, he texted back and said— “sorry, my phone died and I fell asleep”. I immediately got annoyed as I knew his phone was not dead, so there was lie #1. I asked him about a dozen times “where are you,” and each time he said “I fell asleep,” “sorry,” “we went out,” “my phone died,” but I kept repeating the same question over and over until he finally answered that he was at the female friend’s place.

My husband has a very outgoing personality and he is very attached to his friends, and loves hanging out and staying up late and partying, and has serious issues with letting a night end— he always wants the hangout to continue. I trust him, and honestly do not think he is unfaithful— I do not suspect him of having done anything with the female friend. But, is it still reasonable to be upset, even if just about what this looks like? It is embarrassing for me! And, how would he feel if the tables were turned and I left after he passed out and slept over my guy friend’s place?

I hate waking up alone and not knowing where he is, only to find out he stayed out/up later and is hanging out with a female friend. This isn’t the first time this has happened... I’ve talked to him about it in the past because it has made me quite upset. The instances have decreased, but now he’s 32 and we’ve been married for >3 years and I’m surprised and upset that this still keeps happening.

I think, in large part, I also feel left out/inadequate because I can’t drink as much or hang out late enough, so he needs to substitute other people who can rage longer and keep up with his party lifestyle.

The worst part is that now he’s back and commenting on how I sleep so much, and complaining about how tired he is and how much work he has to do tomorrow (taking an online class). It makes me beside myself with anger because obviously he brings it upon himself with poor choices, and I don’t appreciate being belittled for liking/needing my sleep!

Right now, I told him to go sleep on the couch while I think, because I’m upset and don’t want to talk with him or hear him explain how he did nothing wrong/ask why I’m upset. I don’t want to cause a scene at our friend’s place, but I am pissed off/sad. I just wish this stupid pattern of behavior would stop.

I appreciate your thoughts, guys...💗

***Edit: Thanks for your support, ladies! I just wanted to add that he claims to have informed me before he left, but I have no recollection bc I was sleeping. A text or note definitely would’ve been nice, so I wouldn’t wake up & worry!***