Back in grade high school I had a large social circle. I would converse with anyone I met.

All of my friends were going to have prom dates, but I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, so I was worried. A boy who had a different social circle as me, messaged me and asked me to be his date. I lied and said I was going to go alone (which was technically true at that time). I just didn’t like this guy like that, and didn’t want to lead him on. And I thought he was a stoner, which I wasn’t into.

Later, I invited a family friend from another school to be my date. He accepted, though I didn’t want to ever be his girlfriend.

A month before prom, I met the man who is now my husband. Of course I wanted to go with him but it was too late. At the last minute, a friend couldn’t go, so she gave her ticket to him! So I kind of had two dates! The family friend ended up getting wasted and finding other people to hang out with, so I spent prom with my new boyfriend, now husband.

The boy who’d asked me first didn’t go.

About 3 years after high school, the boy died of cancer. I still feel terrible. I never spoke to him again after id turned him down. I’ve been out of high school for 9 years now. How can I ever forgive myself?