PLEASE HELP (DESPERATE)

To keep this story short. My bestfriend and I started dating freshman year ,we just graduated. he knows everything about me and give versa . BEEN there for him thick and thin , even when he pushes me away. We broke up Nov. '17 and he promised we'd stay best friends but we would rarely talk . To this day we can never have a conversation for long or he'd find a way to blame me for something 🤷🏾‍♀️. MY THING IS he's still my best friend . no matter how dirty he does me I'm always there . forget the dating, it's the YOUR MY BEST FRIEND AND I'LL FUCKING LOOSE IT IF I don't have you. This is the person that I wanna loose my virginity to, and he said he'll wait until I'm comfortable for 3 years. AM I DUMB ?