How to handle or deal with
My boyfriend had a mental break today..I knew it was coming, I’ve always warned him bc all the signs were there. We were both at work when he had a panic attack and he decided to take himself to the hospital bc he was having suicidal thoughts. Early yesterday morning we had an argument about him messing up a job opportunity and hadn’t talked after that. So I didn’t know until he popped up in our room at 3:30 a.m and said he’s been texting me. He said he went in and told them about his suicidal thoughts and how he always feels like theres someone watching him. He always has conversations with himself and people who aren’t really there. And he always wants to hurt people and himself but he knows not to. I’ve been aware of all of it and have tried to help him myself by being his support, but I stopped. For a couple weeks he hasn’t been all there, and I felt like I was sleeping next to a stranger. Some days I don’t know which person I’m gonna get. He has the strength to hurt me, but knows not to and doesn’t want to. Sometimes during intercourse he’ll choke me(I like it), but something changes in his eyes when he’s doing it and I have to tap his hand and let him know too hard.. we’re going to a psychiatrist in a few hours bc the hospital told him he’s more than likely schizophrenic... he’s going to be 23 in August. Since the age of 12 he’s been drinking and smoking marijuana. Since we’ve been together he has fully stopped both. I’ve helped him overcome a lot of obstacles and better himself as an individual. I’m sure always going through life high he’s put off the demons inside. He says they’re coming out now bc he has a clear head, and that they’ve been trying to but he avoids it bc he knows they’re wrong. He has a good handle and is well aware of himself, but I’m lost. I love him, I truly do, and I want to be there for him through it all. I don’t want to leave him, but I’m afraid. I’m not sure if I’m afraid of him. I don’t know what to feel..is there anyone here I can talk to that may know how to get though this?