Self confidence

The past year and a half I reached a low point within myself at 20 years old. I know.. I’m a baby and super young and I have my whole life a head of me.. but I was talking to this guy who lied to me and was talking to another female at our work place in front of my face and everyone else’s. When told to choose he said he couldn’t choose between the both of us because we were both different in certain ways, he can’t see his life without either one of us, he wanted us both and we should “become sisterwives”. In the same sentence he blamed him not being able to choose and other issues on his ex and their relationship and that he wouldn’t blame me if I left him alone all while guilt tripping me too! For months he’d be with me one day and go with her as soon as I leave both at work and at home. He used to say little comments jokingly about me, belittle me, hold things against me, and other things and I always ended up feeling like he mentally abused me. I found out about the other girl because I went to the doctor for birth control and found out I had chlamydia. That was the beginning of my break. I felt so dirty and worthless. Not beautiful for myself, let alone a man.. for a long time previously I battled being dark skinned and longed to wanting to be lighter because all of my friends were lighter and guys flew to them. So feeling ugly and worthless wasn’t new to me, it just intensified with this situation. One day after having a breakdown in my car and joining “counseling” I told that I deserved more and I’m worth more than the “love triangle” and crap that he was putting me through. I mean let me tell you you pled that he wasn’t this guy but had other guys at work praising that he had 2 girls at the same place , same shift. Even after telling him I was done, til this he tries to guilt trip me saying he misses me and he hates that he messed up his chances with me. I’m not going to lie, I have my moments when I’m down about myself, feeling like guys only talk to me because of my body and not for who I am and not feeling pretty. But I am learning to love myself, that I am beautiful, skin tone and all, and I’m more than worth it all. (Couldn’t find any pictures of me smiling)