On Friday, I went to the OB to find out why my cycles were so screwed up as seeing I haven't had my period since April. I had done several pregnancy tests and they were all negative. Well my doctor's office ran another pregnancy test to rule out the possibility of pregnancy so they could start me on birth control, which to my surprise came back positive. I was in complete shock as seeing that my cycles were so off track. So my doctor is going through the what to do/what not to dos and uses a mini ultrasound to see if she can get a peek at baby. She can't see anything so she schedules me for an ultrasound in 2 weeks as seeing I may be earlier than they thought. So, I go home and test myself and all the tests I had came back negative, but the doctor's office ran 2 tests on me and they both showed up as positive. So, I didn't think anything of it. Well, I had blood work done. One of those tests being a blood test. Saturday, was a very traumatizing day for me and my family. Our family dog of 9 years passed away from acute pancreatitis. And I was trying to hold my emotions together. Later that night I start cramping, and had horrible back pain. So, my husband calls the on call nurse at the office and asks for a doctor to call back. When we spoke to the doctor she said my symptoms were normal for a woman who is no more than 5-10 weeks pregnant. They couldn't confirm how far along I was! Fast forward to Sunday. I was in bed all day Sunday from having so much back pain and abdominal pain that I was using a heating pad and rolling around my bed trying to make the pain go away. So, I was unable to get a lot of sleep last night. I was hurting and just could not get comfortable. I called the nurse this morning at 8:30, asking for the results of my blood work. I got the call at 1:30 this afternoon. I was no longer pregnant. I had a missed miscarriage. I've been so heart broken with everything that has happened since Friday. I never got to see my baby on screen, I never got to know how far along I was. I've been in constant pain for the past 3 days, only to find out I lost the baby. A constant reminder that I was carrying life inside of me. Today, is my son's birthday! I should be happy, but instead I'm in mourning. I had no bleeding, no nothing. But yet, I'm still in severe pain. 3 days later. This doesn't make the pain go away, this doesn't make the hurt stop. I've been crying off and on all day long.

It's okay peanut. I would have loved you very much! Your brother and sister would have loved to have you around. But you just weren't mean to be. Now you're in heaven dancing with Jesus and your cousins having a blast.. until we meet again. Love, Mom