My boyfriend and I have been on and off for the past year. But even when we’re “off” we’re always together. He’s 36 and scared of committing for life, but at the same time, he keeps coming back (his decision) every time he lets go. This weekend we had a heart to heart and he admitted he sometimes secretly wishes he’d get me pregnant so the decision would be made for him. I don’t know how that makes me feel.... I love him and I love out life together but I’m so tired of his back and forth BS! I’m not ready to have a baby YET but I always have baby fever and I’ve always wanted one with him. We started talking about future kids when we first started dating a year ago, he even talked to his mom about it. That kind of talk died down as we started having problems and not looking that far into the future, but focusing on us now.

But what he said made me excited, shocked, a little happy, and a little annoyed that I’m so consistent with my birth control :P I was actually so taken aback I gave him a little slap in the face 😅

Even knowing that he’s open to that and actually wishes it would happen, makes me want to hold on and try harder. But I’m scared of getting pregnant with someone who might just give up on me in a year. He’s so up and down with us being together (there was never been a third party) even though he’s financially stable, has a house, his family wants him to settle down, and he talks about his friends having families like he wishes he had one too. He’s even wondering why he’s not ready yet. But him admitting this is like a giant exclamation point to me. To me, it means he really wants it, but is just scared to take that leap of faith. He’s been alone (travels for work) for a long long time and is very self reliant so I’ve tried to be patient and understanding.

Anyway, he even said that if if he’d gotten me pregnant, he would marry me and just make it work. I kind of forget exactly what he said because my head was kind of spinning. I’ve always wondered what he would do if that happened but I thought asking too deeply sounded sketchy.

He even thought about how we would cover our child care or would our parents come help. He really put some thought into this, and I think that’s a big thing for a guy to do AND wish for it to happen.

I just don’t know how to feel. Has anyone else gone through this?! Or had anyone else had to deal with a guy that’s having a hard time settling down??