Are both sides of your (extended) family get equal treatment?

Question

Here is what I mean:
Do you and your partner treat both your side and his side of the family equally when it comes to spending time together (with grandkids) and special events?
I am about to be fed up with my husband to be honest. Everything is always about his family.  His aunt is dying from cancer, which is very very sad. We went to see her twice already in the past month, she lives 3 hours away from us. We have two small children together and I am 24 weeks pregnant currently. I do not have a problem going to see his aunt, it was my idea to begin with, because I know of I were here I would want my loved ones to come and be with me. Anyways, my only family here is my mom (I emigrated into this country with her about 8 years ago). A month ago me and my husband invited her to go to a culture festival (from the country we are from - my husband is from the same country too but he was born and raised here). Now, my mil asked me and my husband to ditch my plans with my mom to go to my husband’s uncle’s cottage. That cottage has been in the family since my husband was born. It was originally my husband’s grandfather’s from his mom’s side. The thing is I feel like I always end up loosing the battle and my mom is sad because she is always left out. The only time I see her is when I take the kids to her place during the week when she is not working but she is never part of anything that we do. I even had to go and spend mother’s day with my mil even tho I was pregnant and I have kids too. I just feel like I can’t win and make everyone see how this is making me feel. I tried to talk to my husband about this but he turns my words around and makes it seem like I don’t ever do anything with his family. 
Sorry I need to complain a bit because this is making me sad. How can I tell my mom “sorry we ditched you again” because my husband won’t take no for an answer without arguing and making me feel shitty.

Answer

Let him go to the cottage and you go with your mom. It sounds like you need to have a talk with him. It’s not fair that you’re always willing to participate in his family activities even at the cost of canceling on your mom.

Answer

No, but that is because my fiancé’s family is highly dysfunctional. They cause us a lot of problems. So we’ve had to distance ourselves from them. I wish it wasn’t that way, but there’s nothing I can do to change their toxic behaviour 
In your case, I think you have every right to be upset! Your family deserves to be treated with respect. Constantly changing plans on your Mum and only spending time with his family isn’t fair. I’d be really angry with my fiancé if he thought that was acceptable. I’d personally tell him to go do what he wants with his family and I’d keep plans with my Mum.

Answer

You need to just make a point and stick with it. If you've made plans with your mum first then don't back down and go to his mum's. He has no right to make you feel bad.

Answer

UPDATE:
Thx for everyone’s comment. I am sitting on my couch currently crying while i am 24 weeks pregnant. He said the kids havent seen his mom in two months (we were with her this past Saturday at his aunts place). I invited her to my bbq gender reveal but she didnt come nor she texted me about getting my invitation or anything. I told him he can take the kids up but he forgets to ask my oldest (she is almost 6) about what she wants to do. He says they want to see his mom but makes me feel like mine doesn’t matter. To top it all I am suffering from SPD so I can’t walk or sit for too long. The cottage is about 2 hours away and it is too much for me to sit in the car for that long and come home the next day. Anyways, I needed to let this all out because here I am crying and feeling like crap while he twists my words and only cares about what he wants to do.

Answer

We treat them both equally by staying in the house and not visiting any of them 🤷🏾‍♀️ we just like being home. His mom makes dinner for us every so often and we chat with everyone through text frequently... but we just like being at home

Answer

he's manipulating you into getting his own way. have you tried writing it down so he can't twist what you say? If plans are made with your mam stick with them, it's not fair to her to cancel. He's putting himself and his family above yours and his child's health! could you record the conversation and play it back to him when he tries to turn it on you? put your foot down and tell him no. He needs to learn he can't get his own way.

Answer

No, we treat them fairly but not equally. His mother can't be trusted alone with our kids. My mother took care of them when we went on vacation for a few days.

Answer

I feel like it may be a bit unbalanced for me however it’s a choice that I make. I spend more time with him and his parents but if there’s a tradition or a family event that I want to attend and I ask him to come he’s never refused and wouldn’t cancel on me. I think since you want to be with your mom then it should be fair, once plans are made they should follow through unless of an emergency or you want to stay home (baby is sick, you or your partner is sick kind of thing)

Answer

My family is back in the US so of course we can’t visit as often as we do my SO’s family.

Are both sides of your (extended) family get equal treatment?

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