15 years ago and then he was mine...or so i thought.😭

So I meet my best friend 15 years ago we were paper and glue always together. Best friends since middle school.

years pass and we stay friends alwayd stayed connected. That was until he started dating a female for 8years. She always assumed he was cheating on her with me..(i moved out of state my senior year of high school 8hrs away from where he was at) never spoke to him since i left. Fast forward a couple year i run into him we switch numbers and began once again being best friends as if nothing ever happened. I learned he became single after telling me he was miserable and needed to be happy. Knowing she didnt like me (as any female would do) we came up with the idea of going to the bars and clubs together since she was always at the spots he would go to. (Never saw her) After speaking for a couple weeks we go to a bar and he introduces me as his girlfriend to his friends and brother. Never once did i ask or bring up that we should become an item..that was his doing. I was fine with it for the fact ive known you for 15 years and just catching up made me realise i still liked him from middle school.

our night at the bar.

So we became an item. I never thought that i would be able to fall in love again and see someone and they brighten up my day just by smiling

just look at his smile 😍😍

3 months of dating and i couldnt be happier. My son adored him my oldest yet to meet him for being on vacation.

i thought to myself im set i fell in love with my best friend. thats every girls dream. Someone who knows you from the bad and the good to even the crazy side of you...

That was until he texts became inconsistent and he wouldn't respond to mine. Even when i ask whats on your mind he would say nothing...😔

3month mark was two days away. I get him a gift because i know he loves the Yankees. Then i receive a. text saying babe we need to talk when i get off work...

my heart stopped 💔

I never expected those words to come from him...

He comes home and we sit and talk but his face said everything his mouth didnt. He didnt think we would work out...he says i can do better..he says he dont want to hold me back or waste my time. He just didnt see himself as a family man right now.... 😢. I look at him and stated your are my better...my past has been filled so much with so much disappointments so much hurt. I was abused emotionally, verbally, and physically by my past relationships. it took me 3 years to even want to try again...and this time i wasn't looking for love and it found me..😭.

i didnt cry..i showed no emotion..my face just smiled at him. i was in shock..i was hurt.

i tell him okay i understand. i told him i wasnt mad..i told him i was not surprised because our mutral friends told me to be careful with you. I was careful i never told u i fell in love with you that day we went on our first date and u had that smile on your face. i was careful because i let you enjoy your life and never got mad or questioned you when ever you went out to the bars and partied til 4am and went home at 5. I had nothing but trust respect and faith in us... he tells me im everything a man dreams of in a women and he wishes things were different because we known eachother for so long and i was his best friend. i responded with every man but you i guess..i wish it was different too maybe if it was i wouldnt have falling in love knowin i would get hurt like this. i gave him his gift and i left his car.

he expected to see the crazy me but i didnt my best on staying calm and not cry im front of him because that would have been the lowest i ever qould have been. So once i closed my door i broke down i cried and couldn't sleep. 2days of no sleep took its toll that the only way i could sleep was with liquor in my system. i wanted to drink and forget but thw worse part was i woke up remebering everything. every detail of every memor. every sensation his kiss gave me. every touch his hands left on me. EVERYTHING.

i write this here because i have noone else to turn to my best friends didnt help nor check on me when i told them what happened my family tells me i should just learn to live life alone.

no one understood that the break up isnt what hurt me. What hurt me was the fact if he knew he wasnt ready why label us and have me fall so dam hard for him..for that to happen. I suffer from depression so i am careful on who i let into my life. i dropped my walls for him. i opened my heart knowing this could be an outcome yet praying to God himself it wouldnt be one.

My sons are my light it just sucks that he was the one who took me out the dark.💔😔