giving up

hey all. we've been trying to conceive for a couple years now. we got pregnant a little while ago. in fact my due date was Sept 28th. I lost the baby at 10 weeks. a week after my grandfather died. and we've been trying ever since. today I swore I was pregnant. normally I get my period 3-5 days before I'm supposed to start. today was the actual day I was supposed to start. I hadn't started and I've been having symptoms all week. well, got my period on the way to the store to get the pregnancy test. I was so excited. thinking of ways to tell my husband, my parents, his parents, Facebook. i even looked to see when I would be due. once a month I get my period and once a month I get heart broken. I just cannot do it anymore. every time I get my period it feels like I lost another baby. I want to give up. I am not strong enough to do this every month. I'm going to go back on birth control this period. my husband is all upset because he wants to try for a boy. but he just thinks of it as another day. another period. just got to try again. where I get heartbroken every time. i know the decision is on both of us. but I can't take it anymore. I have no more fight left in me.