I don’t even know where to begin, my son was due on August 21st but he was born yesterday on July 29th. My water broke early that morning and at first I’d assumed I’d probably peed myself, I stood up and sure enough, I was gushing fluid. My husband and I got our things ready and with me losing fluids rapidly, I went to L&D.; I was only 1cm dilated but I was ruptured so they sent me back, I was anxious but I was also happy. Hours pass and I wasn’t dilating past 2cm on my own so they got an IV of oxytocin going to help begin the process, after a few hours my contractions were getting extremely intense and even though I’d originally opted out of it, I got an epidural. My body was numb from the waist down and it felt WEIRD,  my legs felt like putty and because my son was decelling my whole upper half was shaking, I dilated to a 4 but quickly jumped to a 9 1/2 about 20 minuets later and before I knew it, it was time for practice pushes. We started the pushing but it didn’t do much, my son wasn’t seeming to go anywhere, or so we thought. I stopped pushing so my nurse could clean me up and suddenly my son’s  head was sliding out, my husband and the nurse lifted my legs and before I could even push, my son was here. At 11:41pm, weighing an eensy 5lbs 3oz, Elijah Daniel was born.

My little prince arrived but unfortunately it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, I’d tried to feed him right after he was born but his breathing was unstable and he just couldn’t handle it since he was born so early. They had to take him to the NICU, he’s being fed through a tube currently and he’s on a C-PAP machine to help stabilize his breathing, it’s going well and his breathing is regulating on it’s own. He’s perfectly healthy otherwise, at first I was totally down in the dumps and I couldn’t stop crying, I felt like it was somehow all my fault even though there was truly nothing I could do to stop this from happening but now I’m feeling extremely grateful that it’s not worse. My son is here and he’s okay and right now that’s all that matters to me. I feel like this story isn’t quite over yet and I’ll update later when the time comes but for now this is where we’re at.

UPDATE 1 : My baby boy is ready to come off of his C-PAP 😭 I went to check on my little guy and after so so much praying, he’s ready! They said they might keep him on a little longer but he should be coming off of it today. I am so happy that my son is making this progress and now I’m one step closer to taking him home.

Mini update: GOOD NEWS!* Elijah is off the C-PAP! He also breastfed for the first time and he’s doing SO well. I am beyond excited to see him progress and move forward until he’s able to come home ❤️

UPDATE 2: I had to leave the hospital without my son 😢💔 he’s doing well and should be expected to leave once he starts eating a certain amount. I kept asking questions and each time I got a clearer understanding of what’s to come. I’m over joyed at the out pour of prayers and support for my son. I feel as if I wouldn’t be here without my faith in God. I’m so ecstatic and I can’t wait until I can bring my little guy home! Fingers double crossed that it’s soon! 💖💓✝️

UPDATE 3: Baby boy is off the feeding tube, he's eating well and is nearing his goal with feeding. Unfortunately he's been having these episodes where his heart rate drops, they told me this is usually a sign of infection but every test they ran has come up negative, they want to monitor him for 3-5 days and if he goes that time with no episodes then maybe, he can FINALLY go home. They'd almost called me to offer nesting and then this happened. I've been crying for four days straight and I am beyond exhausted with these emotions. He's been healthy otherwise and this is really the only bump we've hit in the road since he's started getting better. We're coming up on one week since he's been in there and if I'm being honest, I'm not sure how much more my heart can take. I've been aching for the strength to make it through because I know it could be WAY worse, it's just the agony of anxiously not knowing what could go wrong after so much had been going right. I haven't been able to stay happy since this whole thing began and my heart aches every moment that I'm not with my son. I've been praying so hard and with all of my heart and soul that my son can make it around this. I just want the tears to stop coming and for my heart to stop hurting...

UPDATE 4: My baby is close to being discharged!!!! I came to see my little guy today and he hasn't had ANY events where his heart rate has dropped ❤️ he's doing so well! He's alert, moving his head around and reaching towards me when I talk to him. I can't believe how quickly everything has turned around for me. I was told to ask tomorrow (8/5/18) if I'll be nesting tomorrow night or on Monday. My fingers and toes are quadruple crossed that this goes through for me. I'm so close to taking my baby home! I'm so happy to finally come here and have good news.

UPDATE 5: Elijah didn't pass his car seat test, he was just too small. They're going to try again tomorrow (Tuesday 8/7/18). Good news is he gained weight and is back to being five pounds, he'll be 38 weeks tomorrow and the nurse said since he gained weight he has a good chance of passing this time. At first I was angry that he didn't pass and that I wouldn't be taking my baby home but after some time I stopped being angry and remembered that he won't be in the NICU forever and he's at least way closer than he was before to getting out. In short, I have every crossable body part crossed that he'll pass this time and come home to Mommy, Daddy and his big sister. Also, here are is a more recent picture of my cutie boy.

UPDATE 6: ELIJAH IS COMING HOME!!! HE PASSED HIS CAR SEAT TEST!!!! MY BABY IS FINALLY COMING HOME!!! ❤️✨🎉