Really, really, really mad 😡

Ugh. I'm going through a very, very strong mad phase. I'm mad at everyone for everything. I'm super irritable and if I see one more happy family..... It's not them, it's me. My jealousy is off the roof and I just can't deal with it. Especially if I see young families. Like under 30 with a few kids... Or even just one. If I'm describing you, please know I'm not bashing you, I WISH I WAS YOU. Since I was in my teens I wanted a baby... I waited for marriage and now this... We can't get pregnant. In the meantime my mom asks me sooooo often, like a few times a week "when will I be a grandma?" or "I can't wait until I can start buying you baby clothes". It was ADORABLE at first... But the other night I snapped at her and told her to just go have a talk with God about it that I don't know. I'm just losing hope and at a lost. And now I really REALLY despise my period. Now my period is just a sign that I've failed again.