What is wrong with me...

I've gained about 20 pounds in the last year, which I don't understand bc I have not changed my lifestyle drastically at all.

I have no confidence and I don't even like lookin at my own face anymore. I haven't taken a selfie in months bc I can't stand my face.

I'm so fat and none of my clothes fit right and no matter how I pose to make myself look better I just look so fat and I don't understand. I can't stand my body or looking at it.

I've tried motivating myself to eat better and workout, now I just barely eat because I'm never hungry and can't bring myself to go out in public to work out.

I'm a college student and I don't have a ton of time or options to change myself. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me I can't help but think that he is disappointed I've let myself look like this.

I just don't know how to stop hating myself.