My boyfriend only wants to marry me because we’re going to have kids together. I NEED SOME ADVICE OR UNDERSTANDING!!!!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and were friends for a year before that. We moved in together after just 2-3 months after we got together. We absolutely love each other and knew pretty much straight away that we were both in it for good.
We talk about everything and we’ve talked about marriage and kids from the beginning.
My partner has said that he wants to marry me but only because we’ll have kids together (we’ll start trying to conceive next year). He said if we weren’t going to have kids he wouldn’t want to get married. He definitely wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he thinks marriage is an outdated concept and he doesn’t see the point unless children are involved.
We have the same values and ideas within a marriage, but our reasons to get married are different.
From a young age I wanted to get married but when my parents got divorced I didn’t want to get married. Then as I got older I realised I did want to get married but only if I found the right person and I wouldn’t want to stay married just because I have kids with the guy (which is what I think my parents did).
If we love each other, are both completely committed to each other, want to spend our lives together (married or not), does it matter that we have different views on the importance of marriage?
EDIT - Thank you for your responses. I appreciate hearing other women’s experiences or thoughts on this topic.
I just want to clarify that my partner and I are already completely committed to each other. We want to be together whether we have kids or not, though both of us would ideally like 3-4 kids. We have talked about possible infertility and are very open to fertility treatments, surrogate (my sister has already volunteered if needed), egg or sperm donation and adoption. If we aren’t blessed with children we still want to be together.
It’s just that my partner doesn’t think marriage is necessary in this day and age when we’ve already made a commitment to each other. It’s not like we’ll get divorced if we don’t eventually have children.
EDIT 2 - I just want to add that we talk about marriage a lot and he always says he wants to marry me. But we had a few drinks the other night and I really dig deep for his thoughts on marriage. That’s when I finally got out of him about his thoughts on marriage and children.
I have never given him an ultimatum, nor would I. If we get married, great. But if we don’t get married, I’m okay with that too. He knows that I never want him to ask me to marry him until he is 100% ready for all that entails. 😊