What do I do? TMI FOR SOME PEOPLE, MAYBE?

So lately I don’t want to continue anything anymore. I still love activities and stuff. But some shit has happened and I just want to kill myself. I don’t know who to tell. I get anxious if I talk to counsellors and I’m not very open to my family. I don’t want to worry or bother my friends either. I’m literally so close to killing myself. I don’t know what to do. I have some razors already and they’re under my bed. I don’t want to lose my friends and some of my family, but a family member is really pushing me to the edge. What do I do?