My daughter just came home after staying a week at a friend’s house.

I picked her up, excited to see her and hear about all the fun she had when I see 3 earrings in each ear. When she went there, she had one piercing in each ear.

She’s been asking for her ears to be pierced a second time and maybe a third for a couple months, ever since she started hanging out with this friend who has two holes, cartilage pierced, and wanting to get another set of ear piercings. Her birthday is in November and we planned on getting her second holes done then and possibly cartilage if she was still wanting it. I’ve been checking into different options and spoke with someone who was highly recommended and experienced. No appointment set, but that was the plan.

Turns out they were at Walmart when her friend asked her mom if she could get her ears done. Not only that, but my daughter wanted her ears done as well. So the mom paid for them. Without contacting me about it. At all.

I’m upset. Not because I’m against my daughter having those piercings, but because I wasn’t asked at all and now my birthday gift to her is completely taken away. I’m more upset about not being talked to than anything. Why didn’t I get a call or text? I’m sure she thought it was fine since she already has her ears pierced but still, isn’t it obvious to check with the parent first?! She’s ELEVEN! So even if she asked her if I’d be ok with it, she’s freaking 11! She has no idea what my feelings are about it and just did it.

Now, this lady has been wonderful to my daughter. My daughter absolutely adores her daughter and the mom never hesitates to say yes when my daughter wants to go there. She’s taken her places and has paid for her way in to things, meals, buys her random things if they are shopping, etc and has never asked for repayment or accepted money when I’ve tried. She’ll pick her up and bring her home without complaint, though I pick up most of the time.

I want to say something to her but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I don’t want issues between us, it was nice of her to pay for it even though I’m not happy it was done. I’m just at a loss. I told my daughter how I felt and I’m sure she will tell her friend, who will probably tell her mom, so I definitely need to say something otherwise I know it won’t end well.

I’m just shocked. I would never think about doing that with someone else’s child and never thought anyone would do it to mine. I know it’s just piercings but it’s kind of a big deal to me. I’m extremely glad her cartilage didn’t get done, not exactly sure if Walmart will even do that, but that’s not as simple as the lobe and I’ve talked to my daughter about the dangers of it mainly because I wouldn’t put it past her to let a friend do it, now that she knows what can happen she wouldn’t do it, I can be sure of that at least.

I’ll gladly take all the advice on how to talk to the mom in a way that gets the point through without creating issues. I have anxiety over confrontation lately and I’m probably overthinking it but want to be sure I say the right thing.

Thank you in advance