15 months after the worst day of my life

My sweet little rainbow was born! This is Everett Jax, born August 20th at 8lb 4 oz via c section. The birth was uneventful, thankfully. I was terrified as we went in for our scheduled section even though this was my 3rd c section.

My 2nd c section was the worst day of my life. I was doing a VBAC naturally at a birth center (BIG mistake) and all the sudden her heart rate dropped. I was 9cm and starting to push. They sent me in an ambulance to the nearest hospital, 5 min away. I was put under general for the c section only to wake up to find out she didnt make it. We named her Viola. This was May of last year.

They told me to wait at least a year to get pregnant again but I couldn't. My heart yearned for a baby. My arms ached to hold one. I called hospitals asking to come hold their NICU babies. So we tried and got pregnant with this little man in December. The pregnancy was stressful to say the least. I kept wondering when I was going to lose him and thinking the worst. I didnt find out gender because I didn't want to become too attached.

9 agonizing months later, I got my baby. I still miss Viola. I was hoping a new birth would ease that pain but no such luck. Thanks for reading my story.