Sexual assault?

Potential trigger warning..

I made the dumb choice of dating someone I barely knew. He seemed great.. at first.

He was drunk. I said no. Repeatedly. We went to bed and I thought he finally listened. We cuddled and I started to doze. That didn’t sit well for him. He wanted more. He held me down, pulled my tampon out, ate me out, fingered me.. I finally pushed him off of me and locked myself in the bathroom before he could actually have his way.

..Might I add that I’ve never done anything before... and he knew this.. he knew I wasn’t ready yet...

After hyperventilating in the bathroom for awhile and him knocking on the door, apologizing, and begging me to come out and talk I felt.. bad? It seemed like I should’ve done more to stop it or to express how I felt and that I wasn’t in the mood.

He said something along the lines of “do you think guys actually enjoy eating you out? We do it for your pleasure. We don’t enjoy it. You’re always blue balling me.” He tried to make it seem like I was pissed for no reason. He made me feel really sick about myself.

I dumped his sorry ass the next day when he showed up drunk and stupid. I was too nice about the situation. When in retrospect I had every right to be pissed and shouldn’t have sugarcoated how disgusting he made me feel.

It’s been awhile ago now.. but I still can’t sleep at night because of it sometimes. I hate that I’m letting him win by this bugging me so much. I can’t get close to anyone without wondering if they have hidden agendas. I still feel like shit and I’m just so angry with him and myself.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? It’s not like he actually raped me..