It is Either Abortion or ........

So I never was for abortion and honestly I am still reluctant to go through with it. Hence me being 12 weeks and still pondering. Here is my situation.

I have 3 sons already all under 9 and my youngest is 2. I will add that I am a single mother and I have maybe about an income of 70k per year. Another factor is that I have had 3 csections, 2 placental abruptions, 2 transfusions after birth of two different kids and I developed preeclampsia with my third son. So I am factoring my health too.

I kind of feel that I may be okay with all the new technology today but a part of me is kind of scared too- what if this time is not good ?

So other than factoring those things not to have the baby. I have been considering what I have to deal with in the future. My ex is my youngest sons dad and he was sexually abusing and emotionally. He cheated in me a lot with co workers, strippers and Hookers. He did it while I was pregnant too. I loved him very much and it was hard to let go. I was hoping he would change. Eventually when we broke it off after he cheated again I went in the arms of a friends and end up getting pregnant. We did use protection but broke. We didn’t know until after we finished. As far as my two other boys. They are my older boys if my ex marriage which ended due to his family being racist and we fought all the times he went back to Poland after divorce. ( my kids are half polish)

My friend was someone I met maybe about 6 months ago but we become so close and even almost like best friends. But he was strictly a friend that I didn’t see a future with. He is silly , 33 years old, acts immature, he is also visiting from another country but over stayed so he is now illegally in US and can’t make much money. It never bothered me because we’re friends only but had a little intimacy one night after I cried in his arms. (too much )

He says and does stupid things and it annoys me. On top of that he is Lithuanian and he claims his family is racist and will have Heart attack when they find out. I feel so stupid and lost but have not done any abortion because it’s still my child and I was against abortion. But I don’t think I want to have 3 baby dads, one that can’t support his child, do all this alone with 4 kids and or possibly risk my health. I don’t now what to do.

UPDATE:

First I will say some of you are totally missing the fact that I said there is also a health concern.

I see some of your comments and I am revising my post because maybe I confused you all. I am NOT worried about being in a relationship but I am human of course I think about if I would be able to do it alone and of course I wouldn’t want to be alone. The reason why I brought up the other guy is because he has been an incredible friend to me, is emotionally and mentally there for me during this time and want a more with us but since becoming pregnant i have not worried about being g with anyone but he was just claiming to want to be there for me even during after the baby. Rather I believe it or not my main concern is I don’t want to deal with the father as he cannot do anything for his baby and his family has already said they won’t accept a mixed child into the family.

So if my post appears all over the place - we’ll my mind is all over the place. I really appreciate all your advice so far. Thanks

Please no judgment. No nasty comments. I’m just looking for advice or ideas.