I was in a 6 year relationship with the father of my son, we started dating back in high school and since the beginning he was very controlling, he would take my phone all day during school hours and controlled who I could talk too in school. I guess since he was very controlling I decided to end things and slept with another guy he was friends with in high school. This all happened 5 years ago. Fast forward to 2016 when I had my son things just weren’t the same anymore I had postpartum depression and I also had a rough labor (emergency csection) I was in the hospital for 1 week and when I came home I remember he right away wanted sex.. he told me he couldn’t wait 6 weeks so my stupid self agreed but to this day I remember this exactly.

I was going to school and coming home for the first year of my sons life, at that time he had gotten his new car and was living his best life. I didn’t care, my attention was only on my son. Once I went back to work( overnights on weekends) I found out he was partying, going to the gym, taking girls to the gym and again living his best life while I was working my ass off.

He was still coming around to have sex, but it wasn’t a relationship at all. Now when my son was 2 years old he had gone 5-6 months without giving me money or buying my sons needs, again I didn’t care and didn’t pay attention to it. One day on Snapchat I seen an old middle school friend upload a picture of him hugging him, being all up on him at the gym, of course I freaked out and made a huge scene because she was my friend & he had completely cut me off for that same reason. He was making time for her and her friends, they were going on double dates and working out 24/7, I admit I did make a huge scene and she ended up cutting him off which hurt him because he said I “ruined his chance”

We broke things off for like 2-3 months and my parents tried to talk to him, they told him to give the relationship one last chance and he agreed, he moved in and shit just got worst. He would get mad over laundry detergent because I would put “too much” or use all of it. I mean I was washing my clothes, my sons & his. One day he let my son borrow his phone to watch cartoons, I right away went through his phone and seen he still had pictures with my ex friend. Pictures that I’ve never seen before. I remember we had the biggest argument ever because of that. At that time I really was not feeling it anymore, I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore and I would push him away until he couldn’t handle it and left.

He left and again wanted to get with this other girl but I didn’t get in it this time, I let him be. I have no idea what happened I think she ended up cutting him off and he came back. Same shit again! He was talking to girls behind my back and doing shit behind my back. Now to beginnings of this year, I got pregnant. I was only pregnant for 2 weeks and ended up having a miscarriage in those 2 weeks he went and had SEX with a girl, KNOWING I was pregnant. He let her sleepover and everything at that time He told me to abort the baby, he told me he was never ready for a second kid. So all that stress made me go through a miscarriage. I was doneeeee! He was still coming around I was still allowing it and now to present day he has left again. He left for a girl that’s a couple years older than him. He tells me he has no feelings and I was the problem of the relationship because I never forgave him? I am now miserable, I’m broken and I cry everyday because I truly did love this dude but all the shit he did to me made me so confused. I pray and pray and ask god to give me signs, I recently found out he got in touch with his ex and took her out on dates while I was at work and had sex with her as well. It’s not fair not fair that he can be happy and not care about my feelings. I blame myself for this, I tell myself I was the problem of the relationship but i know it’s time to give up, time to move on. I need advice, encouragement I’m such a mess right now.