My boyfriend and my mental health!

Kiwi 🌷 • Blogger | London, UK | Insta - @kiwi.posts

Hey guys,

Just a little vent on a situation I honestly feel like I have no one else to talk to about it.

I have been suffering with some mental health issues for a while: anxiety and manic-depression. Recently my relationship with my boyfriend has been on the rocks and it’s induced a lot of my anxiety and depression and his reaction to it all has really hurt me. I’ve spoken on his “rudeness” before and since taking all of your advice, I broached the subject on multiple occasions and NOTHING has changed. If anything I am more hurt and frustrated, I guess because it hasn’t changed. I’ve really been holding it together, trying to hold back tears or manic-outbursts and yesterday I just couldn’t. Sometimes our we debate on political or social issues and it does get heated but that is almost the beauty of our conversation, but when it’s too much for him he’ll say something rude to cut me off like “I don’t care about this to be honest” or “I can’t be bothered to talk about this anymore” and he usually drops this while I’m mid sentence, responding to something he said. It really frustrates me! I’ll sit and listen to his point of view only to be cut off as soon as I start talking. It’s like being passive-aggressively shut up. Yesterday I just burst into tears at 4am and he just sat there looking at me dumbfounded. I was legit having an anxiety attack and just really had no handle on my emotions at that moment and I felt zero care from him. All I wanted was a hug, some affection but to ask for it hurt too. It felt forced and I guess knowing that he was watching me break down and it wasn’t instinctive for him to do this hurt too. He says I am selfish because I don’t cater to how he reacts to situations (which is the opposite of me. He will distance himself, he is fine ignoring me and all in all is rather void of emotions in comparison to me). I actually start to feel guilty sometimes and really I just don’t know if I should. I really have sacrificed a great deal to be with him and when I say that he just takes it’s as me digging him out and uses it as another excuse to pull farther away. I know most will say that I should leave, find someone else who will understand my emotions more but I am scared because really I have no where else to go. I do love him and I want to make it work but I feel like he is never going to change and I’m always going to feel this way. If I stay and it doesn’t change I honestly feel like I will die but I am stuck. I guess I am confused and scared and I just don’t know what to do!