Do I love him?

Have you ever loved someone but can’t admit it to yourself that you love them? I think this is happening to me. I think I might be scared to be in love with someone again. 😞
I have this amazing guy in my life. Since the day that I met him I’ve referred to him as my soulmate. He is pretty much perfect for me. I’ve convinced myself that he is not my soulmate. But when he’s around my world stops and nothing else matters. We live in different states so we don’t see each other often. We have been fortunate enough to see each other at least once a month. Our relationship consists of mostly sex. But we have discussed very vaguely that extent to how we make each other feel and that we both have feelings for each other. Originally when we met we decided that we would just be what we are, not together but when we are in the same place we are each other’s. It’s worked fine but I know the more time we spend the more our feelings grown and things are going to have to change at some point or another. 
I feel like I’m preparing myself to be heartbroken. Either by me having to leave him to presume a more serious relationship with someone else at some point or it comes down to where we discuss our feelings and he would want to change what we have etc. and then I need to leave him alone because I will know nothing else will come from our relationship. 
What do you think?