Crying... *long post*


I am seriously sitting in my living room silently crying-trying not to cry loud as my parents just went to bed and my dog barks when I cry heavily. I have not gotten a blazing BFP yet. I've been trying to get as many hours as I can at work because I am just barely making it. I am so thankful for my fiance and his mom (we are together but dont live together, weird I know, but it works) as we have a son together who is my absolute twin. He only has his daddy's eyes.

Lately I feel like I have been missing something, like idk what's going on. Maybe it's a new period sign, or maybe I really am pregnant. Seems as though I'm always missing my son. I only feel 100% whole when I am with him. Since trying to get all these hours at work (I'm part time), I feel like I have been neglecting him. I know this is seriously NOT the case. I am seriously not sure why this is happening to me. I feel so bad about it. This is ONLY normal like the day of my period right before I bleed. Like 2 hours of emotions then I bleed for 5-8 days. I have never been this emotional.

When my son was born, I had to have emergency heart surgery to repair my mitral valve (thankfully it did not have to be replaced) So my son only knew me for 4 days. His father literally did everything for him for his first 3-4 months. I didnt get to do any of that because I was in the hospital. Maybe that's why I feel bad. I'm really not sure.

Do you think I might still be pregnant? AF in 5 days. Funds tight until Friday, due to recent struggles.

Oh, and here is a picture of my MiniTwin...