Missed miscarriage

So here I am. Never in a million years would I thought I would write a blog ,let alone one about a miscarriage. I am doing this so I can hopefully not scare people but help people who have been through something similar to me and my boyfriend.

January 2018 I fell pregnant so quickly and wow I felt so blessed. We both were over the moon and both actually really shocked- ‘we’re having a baby’

After thousands off test (cause I was scared you can get a false positive, by the way you can’t!!) I was 100% pregnant.

Through out the week we told our parents and siblings and kept it very close.

Weeks went by and really starting to get all the symptoms feeling sick, extremely tired and completely off my food - which really isn’t me. I also started to experience some sharpe pains. I was a little worried and went to my GP who then sent me over to the early pregnancy unit at southmead. Me and boyfriend were nervous but also very excited.

So there is was our little baby ... 7 weeks healthy and growing how it should be.

We took our scan photo home and we were bouncy off the walls with excitement.

Along with this crazy rollercoaster that we were on my grandad who I was so close to was in hospital. We’ve been told he had days to live. I sat with myself at home thinking I have this new amazing life inside me but I know my grandad isn’t going to share this joy with me. So that evening I was going in... just me and my mum into bath hospital RUH , last minute I thought I would take my scan photo in my bag. On the way I said to my mum this may be the last time I see him I have to share this news with him.

So I did, In we went and sat round his bed. Why I was so nervous to tell him I would never know. By this point one day you would go in and he would completely be himself and the next he wasn’t all there. Lucky it was a great day.

I went into my bag and said grandad... I have a little secret to tell you . He looked at me and when I passed him my scan photo I said ‘me & Sam are having a baby’ this moment I will forever hold in my heart, I’ve never felt a hug like it! He squeeze me. A man who had no strength left .. didn’t let go! I left that hospital with so many mixed emotions but the only way I could express my feeling was to cry... pretty much all the way home. That was the last conversation I had with him and one truly amazing one.

So weeks went by and it was defiantly a very tricky time for the whole of my family. Sams support after loosing my grandad was the best. He felt the pain with us as he had also lost this funny witty man who he knew played a massive role in my life.

So we are at the 12 week mark ... the week my family and Sams family has been waiting for. It was Thursday evening and me and Sam made our way to the RUH which really was a strange feeling as a few weeks ago we were visiting grandad there but we knew this time it was going to be for some amazing news.

We sat and waited ....

it was our turn to see our baby. Little did we know what bomb was about to go off.

The lady scan me and didn’t say anything I knew straight away something was wrong. She asked me how many weeks I should be I said ‘12weeks’

She took her hand away from my stomach and looked and both of us to say ‘ I’m so sorry there’s no heartbeat, you’re baby has passed away at 8weeks 5 days’

I looked at Sam, both of our worlds just completely broke in front of us.

We had had a ‘missed miscarriage’ people who don’t know what it is ...

Missed miscarriage means that the baby has stopped growing or died but there are no miscarriage symptoms such as bleeding or pain. It can also be called a delayed miscarriage. ... The ultrasound scan may reveal that your baby has no heartbeat, or that your baby is too small for the date of your pregnancy.

A few days later I had to go in for a operation for have the baby removed. Sam was by the the side of me every step of the way! He’s such a keeper♥️Through hard times it can defiantly breaks you or makes you stronger! Luckily for us we are stronger than ever.

The scary thing is that we were so un ware how common this is . 1 in 4 woman will witness a miscarriage.

It’s took us months to get our heads round where we wanted to be. We are just so lucky we have each other going through this awful experience. Our families were amazing, and we honestly can’t thank them enough.

I also feel the men get left behind it’s not there bodies going through this but at the end of the day it’s there baby too. Sam suffered just as much as me. Its made me love him more & more and made me see what a incredible human he is.

we are so happy now living together and just being us!! This is just a bump in the road and I’m sure there will be more to come across but if we got each other that’s all that matters.

I hope sharing our experience may at least help one person. ♥️♥️♥️