I feel like a terrible person
I couldn’t breastfeed. I wanted to so bad I was so ready to do it I took 4 breastfeeding classes and had nursing bras and nipple cream but when my daughter was born she would not latch at all even with a nipple shield. She could open her mouth wide so there wasn’t a problem like that but she screamed and cried every time I tried to breastfeed. So I got a pump but not til almost two days pp. I couldn’t produce hardly anything I kept trying to latch her and tried everything to increase my supply. Water, teas, supplements, fenugreek, oatmeal, brewers yeast, lactation cookies, any food I heard could help and pumped every 2 hours day and night for 7 weeks only to never get more than an oz between both breasts. I saw 4 different lactation consultants none of which could get my daughter to latch. I was so determined and I was heartbroken when it didn’t work out. It caused horrible postpartum depression and anxiety that I’m still dealing with and taking medication for. My daughter is 8 months now and is doing great. She’s crawling, can pull to stand, can say mamma and dada and is close to walking. But I still feel like a failure as a mom. One of my friends just had a baby 4 days ago and she was having problems breastfeeding similar to mine, latching and supply. She wasn’t getting anything pumping at first and her baby didn’t wanna latch even with a nipple shield. He did at first but stopped after getting a bottle when he didn’t seem to be eating enough. Ive been telling her everything I did to help increase supply and listened to all her worries and feelings she had. A really selfish part of me was a little bit happy because I felt like someone would finally understand how i feel and how hard it was and still is for me. Because I don’t know anyone who’s had a single problem breastfeeding. But now her milk has come in and she’s pumping a good amount enough to not have to use any formula. Her baby is still having latching problems but she’s been going to a lactation consultant and it looks like it’ll work out well for her. I was really happy for her because I don’t wish on anyone how I felt. But I was also a little sad because I feel like now more than ever no one will ever understand how I feel. I know this is so selfish and I should just be happy for her and not think about myself but I can’t help it.