I love my husband. He is a good man, and can be a good father, but truly, he is not so great of a husband. I know he loves me, and he tells me all of the time, but actions speak louder than words.

His job is very demanding, both physically and time wise. He goes to work around 7am and normally doesn’t get home until 8/9pm, sometimes later. He works Tue-Sat. I’m a stay at home mom, I babysit and family friends kid through the week and I also go to school. I am very grateful to be able to stay home, but I do make a bit watching the kid, that money goes straight to bills or paying off credit cards. Just a little background.

Last work week, my husband had off work for a 9 day paid vacation. I was so excited, because we’d have some time together and he’d be able to spend some time with the kids. It ended up not being as magical as I expected it to be. I had to watch the family friends kid still because she just started a new job and couldn’t take time off. I did get Labor Day off though, so my husband and I had a 3 day weekend together. We took the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese Saturday, and it was great. Once we got home, my husband spent the rest of the night playing video games. Sunday, my husband had his basketball tournament with his buddies, then went to hang out and watch the game at his friends house. He didn’t get home until 4pm, and then spent the rest of the night playing video games. Monday rolls around and I let him sleep in. When he woke up, I had the house clean, laundry done and the kids were occupied in the playroom. I asked him if he’d watch a movie with me, and he said sure. But we couldn’t get the movie to work (it was on an app), so we ended up not watching it. He played video games all day. The rest of his vacation consisted of him going out with his friends, playing video games and sleeping. We took the kids to the park once, but that was only because I forced him to go. He didn’t help with any house chores, he didn’t spend any quality time with me, when I had the family friends kid, ALL of the kids were my responsibility and he didn’t help at all. I honestly thought his vacation would be him spending more time with the kids considering he never sees them through the work week, because of his work hours. Anyway, I wanted him to enjoy his vacation, because he did deserve to have one, but I just felt like the kids and myself were put on the back burner the entire week.

Now he’s back to work. His best friend just got a job with him, so he’s been training him all week. They spend all day together. He tells me how hey listen to podcasts, and Eminem’s new diss track, and talk about all kinds of things. Then he gets home and plays video games with that same friend. They FaceTime each other 12 times a day. Last night, he got home at 7pm from work, which is the earliest ever and at least an hour before our kids bedtime. You know what he does? Showers, eats dinner, plays video games with his friend. Same friend. I put the kids to bed, I do the dishes, I do everything. He does nothing. I feel neglected. He didn’t even try to spend time with me. We haven’t had sex in 2 weeks. We went to bed angry at each other, because I told him I was going out with friends with our kids on Sunday and he gave me a bunch of attitude about it (even though I’m bringing the kids with me). This morning, he didn’t kiss me goodbye. His friend FaceTimed him 3 times, and it was only 7am.

I think I need space. I don’t know, maybe he does too. Maybe me going to my parents might make him realize I’m serious about this- I’ve talked to him so many times about it, it’s not a new thing, and it doesn’t matter to him. He just gets defensive and puts the blame on me somehow. I just don’t know what to do.

Sorry it’s long, thanks to all the people who took time to read it.

Edit* Sorry, I’d like to stay anonymous just in case, but yes we’ve talked about it. I talked to him about it a few weeks ago, before his vacation, because this has been going on a while. I told him I really needed some quality time with him because I miss him, and the kids miss him. He told me he would try more but he also needed his own time- which I respect. During his vacation, I tried not to “nag” at him about it, but I did make comments like “We had a full weekend together and you spent it with your friends instead of your family, maybe next weekend, we could have a family day?” Or I would ask him to help with a chore and he’d either take hours to get it done, or he’d give me attitude about asking, which just made me stop asking. Then I would ask him to watch a movie or show with me, maybe go out to dinner as a family, or play a game with me, and he’d always already have plans with his buddies. But the only way I spend time with him anymore is when we play video games with his friends (I sometimes play when the kids go to bed), or maybe 5 minutes before we fall asleep and I ask him about his day. He doesn’t ask about my day, he usually falls asleep pretty fast. I don’t know if I can talk to him about it now, without things getting very heated and both of us saying things we can’t take back. Yes they are our kids he’s their father.