At a loss...

*Long post so bare with me...*

So I just need to vent... I’m 17 almost 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. The father of the baby has 3 other kids. All 3 are girls. Me and the father were together for a year, broke up, and that’s when he got his ex pregnant with twins, but I moved in a few months after they broke up and then found out I got pregnant with his child end of May.

The father has wanted a boy since before he found out his first was a girl. (His little girl is my world. I love her as if she’s my own.) when he found out he was having twins, he was hoping they were boys but turned out to be girls. Well this time around, my baby has to be a secret. The other moms can’t know I’m pregnant with his child, and they can’t know about the baby...

Fast forward to now, I just found the gender of my baby, ITS A BOY!!! I wanted a girl so bad but wanted a boy just for the fact that I thought he’d be there and my baby wouldn’t be a secret if baby turned out to be a boy. Well when I told him that it was a boy, he didn’t really say anything. We actually didn’t talk till late tonight. He says he’s excited about it but I just feel like even though it’s a boy, I’m still gonna have to keep baby boy a secret and it’s breaking my heart to pieces since I love baby b with all of my heart already.

I know that no matter what, I’ll be a single mommy to this amazing little boy who chose me to be his mommy with an amazing support system, but I just want the father present for his life.. so when I saw this picture on Facebook, it just really hit home because my baby doesn’t deserve to go through life not knowing who his father is, especially knowing he’s there for those 3 little girls without a second thought...

Sorry for the long post, not really asking for advice I guess. Just needed to vent somewhere and don’t really have anyone else to talk to.

*have to keep baby a secret because baby mamas are crazy and the first child’s mom has no idea me and him even dated for the year we did, and she doesn’t like me as it is just me and him being friends. She even threatens to take the child away from him and never let him see her again simply because there is another girl in the picture. Also should add, he has the little girl 99% of the time and I’m a witness because me and him were the primary caretaker for her. Since she was born I should add. He’s had her since she was a week old. Second baby mama is just completely insane and will not allow him to have his twins if she found out he was having another baby, especially it being with me. Even though I was in his life before her and I’ve known him for awhile.