I have a very good (and close) friend whom I’ve known for 11 years. She’s 9 years older than me (I’m 36; she’s 45). She has a 13 year old son and her struggle with infertility is something she constantly talks about. She tried to conceive for over 10 years before having her son, and unfortunately, she also had to suffer through several failed rounds of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>.

Throughout the years she constantly pushed me to get pregnant, even though my husband and I didn’t feel ready, especially financially. This year we finally decided to start a family and I got pregnant right away. I was elated to share the news with my friend but she didn’t take it too well (to my absolute surprise). She basically told me she was shocked because she was 100% convinced I would not be able to conceive (due to my advanced age). After that she became very distant for a few months. Before my pregnancy, we would text daily and get together often. Now we barely text or talk about my pregnancy (which I’m ok with). I started thinking that perhaps she’s still processing her own difficulties with infertility, which could be why my ability to conceive easily affected her in ways she had not anticipated. I know she’s been through a lot to have her son, so I’ve been trying to be sensitive by not sharing any unsolicited details about my pregnancy.

However, there’s another huge change in her behavior that I don’t really understand. For the past three months or so, she’s been calling herself “grandma;” she also keeps telling me that she loves me like her own daughter and sometimes she even compares her feelings she has for me with those for her son. She’s constantly saying she’s expecting a grandchild (my son!) and to her this is cute. I find this extremely disturbing and irritating, to be honest. At first, I gently corrected her by saying she can be an auntie. When it didn’t change anything, I had to confront her and tell her that this whole “grandma” thing bothers me. Her response was that I’m unable to understand her feelings because I’m so much younger than her. I am confused because our age difference never been brought up as an obstacle before, so I feel like she’s trying to infantilize and patronize me. Lately, she’s also displayed other unwanted behaviors, such as a constant need to act as my mentor and provide unsolicited advice about literally everything.

What do you make of all of this? I’m just trying to understand why my friend has been acting this way.