im a feminist but

im a feminist, dont get my wrong i believe ALL genders should be equal. (Men allowed to show emotions and not dismissed to be the custodial parent unless proving the mom is harmful, etc. Shit like that) but like at the same time i love being degraded and told im only good for pleasing men. but only with some people. and it can only happen to me, or others that wish it for themselves too. like my ex i didnt feel comforable w him doing it and as soon as he started shaming other women i broke up with him. but this random guy i lost my virginity to? Damn i love it when he calls me a slut and abuses me during sex.(can call me a slut out side of sex but i wont put up with abusing me outside of sex) Does this make me any less of a feminist?

Also is it bad that ive gone back to my "hoe" ways not even a week after breaking up with somebody?